Day 87: Bad mood or depression 13

In last days, weeks and months that I write this blogs about bad mood or depression I realize, that I'm better, not so much in bad mood or depression. So I decide, that this is the last blog in this series and net time I start about my hurting knees, what is so close with bad mood.
Now I see, that I become depressed when I don't know what to do, all go wrong, I don't see any positive point in my life and my parents want something from me all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what to do, I stop and breath. I realize that if I want to doing, that I can see what to do each moment in my life. In other way, where is difference between work and play and why older people don't play, only work? So when I say that I play, I work and when I say that I work, I play. I commit myself that I see work each moment and don't look for excuses to not to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that work is work and play is play and play is for children and work is for adults. When and as I see myself to think that work is work and play is play and play is for children and work is for adults, I stop and breath. I realize that children see all work like a play and adults see all play like a work. But where is line between work and play? Maybe because work is something that do for money, because we must to do, we are serious when we do work. But when we play we are happy, we don't need to do, we enjoy in it. I commit myself that I enjoy in my work and play seriously.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all go wrong. When and as I see myself to think that all go wrong, I stop and breath. I realize that never go all wrong and this is only my perception, because I see this in that way. In real it goes how I prepare and what I do for it. I commit myself that I know, see when is really go all wrong and when I only I think that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to see any positive point in my life. When and as I see myself to not to see any positive point in my life, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't need see positive point in my life, only I must see real things in my life and breath and live. I don't need some big goal in my life, I can live each moment and enjoy in it. I commit myself that I do what I can do and don't look for positive energy, because life is not energy, is being, breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that parents wand something from me all the time. When and as I see myself to think that parents want something from me all the time, I stop and breath. I realize that if I see what I must to do, then they don't tell me what I must to do, because I done before they tell me what I must to do. I live with my parents. I commit myself that I see what I must to do in our house and done before they tell me what I must to do.

Day 86: Bad mood or depression 12

In blog 85 I writing about loneliness and in this blog I write more about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see loneliness when I am alone and no one don't want talk or be with me. When and as I see myself to see loneliness when I'm alone and no one don't want talk or be with me, I stop and breath. I realize that be alone and feel lonely is not the same. In primary and secondary school I was all the time alone, but not lonely, but now I feel lonely and I have friends and talk with other people on web. Where is line between be alone and feel lonely? Why we feel lonely when people are around us? Why I don't see answer in first moment? I don't know how to live, I don't know how to be alone and not lonely. Is be in this moment enough? Is breathing enough? I think it is. So I start to breath and be in this moment, know that when person be with self don't be alone and see something for doing and move myself. I commit myself to be in this moment, breath and doing something, anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely when I see people in couple or in groups. When and as I see myself to feel lonely when I see people in couple or in groups, I stop and breath. I realize that be alone not mean be lonely, because you can feel loneliness in group. If I like myself, I love myself, my body, me, I can be me. Then I be fine alone or in couple or in group, in each moment with all people or alone. I commit myself that I like myself, my body, my all and become me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that be single is less than be in couple, have partner. When I see myself to think that be single is less than be in couple, have partner, I stop and breath.I realize that person are person and there no difference between single or to be involved with someone. Each person are equal, single or not. I commit myself to know that I'm worth the same than other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that no one like me. When and as I see myself to think that no one like me, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't need that someone or anyone like me, if I love/like myself. When I love/like myself then other people like me too. I commit myself that I when I start thinking about how no one like me, I ask myself what I need and what I want in this moment and give it myself.

Day 85: Bad mood or depression 11

In blog 76 I wrote: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this connected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for attention. When and as I see myself to search for attention, I stop and breath. I realize that I can give myself attention when  I realize why I need this attention. The most often is because I don't know what to do and look around for chat and so on. I commit myself that I see problem and give attention myself before I look for it and become in bad mood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely and because it I look for attention. When and as I see myself to feel lonely and because it I look for attention, I stop and breath. I realize that I feel lonely because I don't see only person with who I can be all the time. This is me, myself. Only me can be with myself all the time. So loneliness is not that I'm alone, but I don't be with myself because I don't know what to do. I commit myself that I can take attention to myself and don't feel loneliness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely when I with resistance say yes for help other or go with them. When and as I see myself to feel lonely when I with resistance say yes for help other or go with them, I stop and breath. I realize that if I go somewhere with resistance I'm not there, I want to go away, I want run away, I'm alone. If I go in the same place because I want I feel in group, I help because I want to help. I feel that I'm not alone. I commit myself that I go with other because I want to go, not because I need to go and I must feel with other that I'm not alone, they want to be with me, so I must be with them.

Day 84: Bad mood or depression 10

In blog 75 I wrote: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again. When and as I see myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again, I stop and breath. I realize that when I wok, I forgive about bad things, but when I calm myself and go watch TV or go on computer I became bad mood or depressed again. I know that I feel something in myself all the day, but when I work I forgive on it, but when I don't work anymore I remember on it and feel it. I know that I can go over this feeling, but I know that I must find beginning somewhere deep inside me. I commit myself that I breath and work and don't think about my bad feelings so much.

So I mention bad things in my blog. But what is bad things for me? And how I feel then? So when I don't work I think too much and I have too much time. So I fell again in bad mood. I feel nervous, loneliness, I don't know what to do. I look for attention, but most time no one have time for me and I don't know what to do. So I start thinking how no one like me, how lonely I am, because I'm single and so on. In the end all people are guilty for my bad mood, because they don't have time for me. In other way, when I have someone to talk with, I argue with this person and again I'm in bed mood. But this is, because I don't accept myself at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive about bad things that are about death, loneliness, that no one like me, no one don't have time for me. When and as I see myself to thinking/believing/perceiving about bad things that are about death, loneliness, that no one like me, no one don't have time for me, I stop and breath. I realize that this my bad things are only what I think about myself and I can change this. I must see that I am person who like me and have time for me and I'm always with myself. I commit myself that I know that I am only person who love me and I'm always with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk with other people and start argue with them. When and as I see myself to talk with other people and start argue with them, I stop and breath. I realize that if I think differently than other people is this my problem if I star with argue and I react on their words. I commit myself that when I see myself to react in other people words, I stop and see what bother me and if something bother me I talk about this thing since I stop react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much. When and as I see myself that I think too much I stop and breath. I realize that if I work I think about work and forgot problems about myself, I don't think about my bad mood, I don't think about work and money and I fell better. But I can't only work and work, I must to look for point where my bad mood start. I commit myself that I breath and I realize that I breath all the time and look about the points when I begin in bad mood.

Day 83: Bad mood or depression 9 (I'm incompetent 1)

In blog 74 I wrote:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I want to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what I want to do, I stop and breath. I realize that I try to do a lot of things but in all things I'm not enough success to start learn money with it. Sometimes I scare to be success and I don't want to try and work hard for success. I scare be happy and have enough money. I'm scare be myself. I don't want money but I need it. I'm mess. I commit myself that I decide what I want in my life in try to be success in my job/work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare to be success. When and as I see myself to scare to be success, I stop and breath. I realize that I think when person was success must work a lot and I'm to lazy for that. When person are success a lot of people know it and successful people must be example, someone who are stable and I don't be stable. But in the end each person can be success person if they want be. I commit myself that I believe that I'm success in this moment because I live, I read and write almost two language and have people around myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't want to try and work hard for success. When and as I see myself to don't want to try and work hard for success, I stop and breath. I realize that if you want be someone or want something you must work for it. Each work is hard work if you hate it, but if you like it, you play, not work. But where is line between work and play? For me is line money and years, because when you older you too old for play and what you do you work not play. I commit myself that I do what I love to do with joy and if I work what I hate, I see something playfully in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare be happy and have enough money. When and as I see myself to scare be happy and have enough money, I stop and breath. I realize that I scare be what I wish. I wish be happy and have enough money for normal living, but what next if I have this, what is my next goal. But now in this moment I'm happy. I don't have enough money, but if you work what you want, you happy and if you work with hart, work what really want, money come. And this is so simple and not need be frightened. I commit myself that I work and don't think about happiness and money and they came to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare be myself. When and as I see myself to scare be myself, I stop and breath. I realize that I see being myself like I do what I want to do, what is good for me and other, what I can improve myself and world around me. When I am myself then I work and do what I like to do and work that I don't want to do I work in the way that I like it. I commit myself that I am what I am and try to be better me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't want money. When and as I see myself to think that I don't want money, I stop and breath. I realize that I need money in this system, because system work on money and each person need it. When system change we can live without money, since then I need it. I commit myself that I try to learn money and live with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I'm a mess. When and as I see myself to think I'm a mess, I stop and breath. I realize that I think that when I'm bad mood and I don't know what I want and what I wish. Then is the best go to the bed and rest, start with some work or only breath. I commit myself that I start work, go to the rest or only breath when I think that I'm mess.

Day 82: Bad mood or depression 8

In blog 76 I wrote:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this connected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that death is end of all problems. When add as I see myself to think that death is end of all problems, I stop and breath. I realize that I can finish all my problems when I'm alive. The best way to go trough my problems is forgiving myself. I know that this is not fast and easy but is only way that work for me. I commit myself that I go trough my problems and eliminate them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I collapsed because I was nervous, but in the same time I feel bad and if I listen my body I can prevent collapse. I commit myself that I listen my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to listen my body. When and as I see myself to not to listen my body, I stop and breath. I realize that I feel something and don't want to go to do something, that in that time something go wrong and I hurt myself. This is because I thinking how to not to work and accident is here. I commit myself that listen my body, but if I must to go somewhere then I look what I do, not think how not to do.

Day 81: Bad mood or depression 7

In blog 76 I wrote:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on professors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to be angry on professors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that professors tell me because I don't learn enough and I don't know what they ask me. This is only my problem. I commit myself that I be selfresponsability and if I don't know something I admit this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough for pass the exam. When and as I see myself to think that I know enough for pass the exam, I stop and breath. I realize that without study you can't know enough. So when I was need to do exam I must to learn enough for pass exam and not only hope that I pass. I commit myself that I learn and when I know enough I go in the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I pass exam or I can talk to other people although I don't know enough for that. When and as I see myself to think that I pass exam or I can talk to other people although I don't know enough for that, I stop and breath. I realize that if person don't learn, don't know and for exam or talk to the people must to know a lot of. So if I decide do something I must prepare myself to know all and more. I commit myself that I go on the exam and have lecture prepare and I know what I must to know.