Day 102: Love of food

If we want to survive we must to eat. We eat a different food. Some food we love but other food don't. But where is line between love food and eat because we must to eat. We prefer some taste. But is food with good taste for us, good for our body too? I love to eat chocolate. I eat dark chocolate or very sweet chocolate. Which one is better for my body? Both is OK if I eat one piece. And what can I eat and what not?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body need what I eat and what I wish for eat. When and as I see myself to think that my body need what I eat and what I wish for eat, I stop and breath. I realize that I eat, because other people around me eat, but my body don't need any food. I can be all day without food, but I'm not hungry, only my body don't need food in this moment. So I must listen my body, not eat, because people around me eating. I commit myself that I eat when I feel hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I getting fat, because I eat sweets and food with a lot of calories. When and as I see myself to think that I getting fat, because I eat sweets and food with a lot of calories, I stop and breath. I realize that I getting fat, because I eat because eat other people around me, I'm hungry, because I don't listen my body and I think that I'm hungry, not thirsty, because I drink too little. I commit myself to look how I feel before I eat, I drink before I eat and listen my body if they need food at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that chocolate is bad for me. When and as I see myself to think that chocolate is bad for me, I stop and breath. I realize that I can eat chocolate as much I need, but I can't feel bad about it. I must feel good if I eat it and if I become bad mood because I eat too much, that is not good. I must stop earlier, because I only think that I need so much of chocolate. My mind think that I need, my body need so much of chocolate. I commit myself that I don't became bad mood if I eat too much, I listen my body and I eat that much I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that salt food is bad for me. When and as I see myself to think that salt food is bad for me, I stop and breath. I realize that all salt food that I buy it is crap food. Is salt and greasy and there is not any food in it. I love crisps and other popular Slovenian salt package food. This food is bad for me. Better is, if I prepare similar food at home. Is better and healthier than food from stores. I love to cook, why I don't prepare good food ad home. But if I buy and eat that food, I can't be angry on myself, because is this worst, than bad food. I commit myself that I made at home food I like it, but if I buy some crap food, I don't be angry on myself.

Day 101: My physical change

Last time I change myself. I start walking two week ago, because I must to walk, but soon I see that walk is good for me and now I walk for myself. I know that I must lost some weight, but I don't walk to lose it, I walk because I feel better if I walk. My digestion is better. I'm better. It was difficult to begin, so I ask my dad if he want go with me. He say yes. And this is start of my daily walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that walking is not for me. When and as I see myself to think, that walking is not for me, I stop and breath. I realize that walk is important for me. When I walk I'm with myself. I know that is not good, that I talk with myself in ma mind, but I find some solution about different think. When I walk listen myself, my body. I feel where hurt me. I breathing. I'm be there, I feel wind, I feel my body. I commit myself that when I think to not go to the walk, I look on all benefits on my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the walk because I must go. When and as I see myself to go to the walk because I must to go, I stop and breath. I realize that walk is good for me, so I decide I walk because I feel better after walk. I feel better and I see all more positively. I commit myself that I walk because I want, not because I must go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare if someone see me that I walk, because I think, that fat people don't walk. When and as I see myself to scare if someone see me that I walk, because I think, that fat people don't walk, I stop and breath. I realize that fat people walk too. All people walk. But walk is more difficult than go to the gym. So in the beginning people maybe go to the gym, but why I look what other say about me. I walk for myself and I can go when I want to go and where I want to go. I live in moment when I walk. I can be with myself and breathing and this is more important that what other people say. But if I want be with myself it be better be alone, than with other people who disturb me. But I must live in both situation. I commit myself to take chance to myself to be proud because I begin walk and I work on myself in this way.

Day 100: Simply me

This is my 100th blog. And through blogs I walk with a different themes. Yes, I have still a lot of problems, but I solve some of them. I take enough tame to change myself. I know, that I'm not work enough intensive, I can do better, but this is my life and my pace. I do the best that I can. No, not real. I can do better than I do to now. I can do more intensive and faster. But is this best for me? Soon will be 2 years when I was first time meet with Desteni. Since then I change myself. I'm better me.

The toughest for me is writing from the moment. Or when I want to write some more, but I stop and I don't know what to write anymore. But that moment is the best. Then I see who I am and how I react. When I don't know what to write, I begin to look on Facebook, drink water or do something not so important. And go back and write is so difficult. So, I begin with theme and when I have theme I write about. Is so much easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare with other how fast I go and how good I became. When and as I see myself to compare with other how fast I go and how good I became, I stop and breath. I realize that this is only mine process and only I'm important in it. I go my pace. I know that I can go faster, but point is not how fast you finish all, but that you improve yourself and live life. I commit myself to not compare my process with other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid writing/see problem/ go trough problem when I came to the difficult point. When and as I see myself to avoid writing/see problem/go trough problem when I same to the difficult point, I stop and breath. I realize that the toughest is work on myself. I want change myself, but in same time I want stay in secure/well known place. I scare changes. I see that something work and want that stay, I don't want changes. But I know, that I need changes to live better. I commit myself to accept change and see that life is better with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to asking myself if I do enough fast and intensive my process. When and as I see myself to asking myself if I do enough fast and intensive my process, I stop and breath. I realize that this is my process and only me know and see how fast and intensive is my process and if I can go faster. In the same time I see if I need more work on myself, more agreement to myself and so on. I known myself the best. But I see, that other people know me better than me. I begin with meeting with myself and don't see some points, that other people see. And they tell me about and tell me what point I must to look and so on. I commit myself that I know I do enough intensive and fast my process.

Day 99: Be same than other people

I want be the same than other people. This is sentence that I write in last blog. Did I really want be the same than other people. I don't think so. I want be equal, but not the same. I am who I am. And I don't be the same, because each people is different than other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write that I want be the same than other people. When and as I see myself to write, that I want be the same than other people, I stop and breath. I realize that word have big power. If you don't use correct word is meaning so different. You want told, that each people in the world are equal, but you write that they the same. Different word, different meaning. But in real I don't make a mistake. I commit myself that I use correct word when I want told something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want be the same than other. When and as I see myself to want be the same than other, I stop and breath. I realize that I want write equal with other, but I want be the same. I see people who have what I want and be like they. But I can't be like they. I only can be myself. But I don't see that. I see myself less than other, because I see only what I don't have and don't know. I don't see myself and how unique I am. I prefer compare with other and I feel less, inferior. How good is this feeling. But this is not true. Being inferior or superior isn't good. Only being real me is good. But who I am? I am who I am. I commit myself that I be real myself and don't want be like other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't know who I am. When and as I see myself to don't know who I am, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not so easy to say who I am. I see myself like a lazy person, who don't know anything and so on and so on, only negative things. But I'm not pure negative person. I'm person. I want be someone who I'm not. I try to be someone who other people say that this is you. But I'm not. I'm love to write, take some picture, be in nature, but I'm a little negative too, I'm nervous when I must do something new, I argue with other people sometimes and so on. I try to be who I am. But in the same time I try to be who other people want that I am. I commit myself that I'm the best me.

More about who I am and who I want to be I write in private.

Day 98: More or less

Me, you, they. Who is better and who is the worst? Who is more and who is less? We are all people. But I see older people who more important than me, because they have more knowledge than me and because teach me, when I was young, that I must respect older people and address formally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that respect older people mean that I think that older people are more than me, so I must believe them, say them that they have always right and talk nice with them. When and as I see myself think that respect older people mean that I think that older people are more than me, so I must believe them, say them that they have always right and talk nice with them, I stop and breath. I realize that respect older people is the same than respect younger people or people with same age than me. Respect are talk with other like I want they talk with me, be nice to them, help them, but not too much, I must stay me. Not be under or above other people, be in the same level with them. I commit myself that I respect people to see them like a person and behave to them like I want to they behave to me and if they want teach me how I must behave to them, I stop and breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my parents teach me how to behave to other people in modern way, but I see a lots of old school mentality in their teaching.When and as I see myself to think that my parents teach me how to behave to other people in modern way, but I see a lots of old school mentality in their teaching, I stop and breath. I realize that there are a lots of old school mentality in country side and this is don't work anymore. I address formally people that I see first time and they older than me. If I see person with my age I don't be polite, like my parents say and address them formally, but I talk with them like someone that I know them. I like if I don't need be so polite, I want be myself and see all people the same than me, but this is not OK for people with old school mentality. But I can be polite without addressing people formally. I commit myself that I see what other people want and if they say that they want be addressed formally, I addressed them formally, but for other people I use polite words, but I see and talk like person like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people who stay to look like bigger than they are, that they want to look like more important/better/more/superior like me. When and as I see myself to think that people who stay and look like bigger than they are, that they want to look like more important/better/more/superior like me, I stop and breath. I realize that I see this move, I see that they do this if they do or not. This move is only in my mind, because I see this move in my childhood often and they want tell me, that I must listen them. So I see now this move and think that they want be better than me, they want that I see their superior. And in that moment I see myself inferior and I react, because I don't want be less than other. I begin with louder voice, I want to fight, I want be the same than other people. I commit myself that if I see that other people look like bigger than they are, I don't react, but I breath and realize, that they don't want be superior and see me inferior, but they want be like me, so I must talk with them like a people who is the same than me.

Day 97: Support myself

Each person need someone to be with. But firstly each person must be good for them-self. Last weeks I'm alone. I can rely on only in myself. I see that I'm so important person for myself that I can live alone and help myself in tough moment. I see that breath is so important and each moment of my life I can live, be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared because I stay alone and I don't know if I can go forward in my process. When and as I see myself to be scared because I stay alone and I don't know if I can go forward in my process, I stop and breath. I realize that I was alone all the time. Yes, people around me help me, but I must walk my process alone. I live my life like before, but now I must rely really on myself and believe myself that my path is correct. I commit myself that I believe in myself all the time and know that I can do all in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need someone to be with me and support me. When and as I see myself to think that I need someone to be with me and support me, I stop and breath. I realize that it is nice to be with someone who support me, but when is the toughest time for me, I must be strong and go alone trough this time. If someone support me is not mean that I'm weak, but it easier and other person told you something that you don't see. I commit myself that I work on myself  because only me can change myself if someone support me or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that be alone is not supportive for myself. When and as I see myself to think that be alone is not supportive for myself, I stop and breath. I realize that if I'm alone or with someone is the same supportive. Love myself and be supportive for myself is not the same, but if I don't love myself, can't be supportive to myself and if I'm not supportive to myself I can't love myself. So I must work on myself and see myself in real, who I am and what I am and what I want to be and live my life and words that I want live and became person. I commit myself that I support myself, love myself and be who I want to be, person.

Day 96: Like a baby

A few days ago I post on Facebook picture where I lie in bed and dink water from bottle. I lie in some position that I see in front my eyes a a few years old baby who have bottle and drink from it. In that moment I feel some feeling and I feel like this baby that I see. I'm feel like a baby. This feeling was nice, comfortable, tender, loved, accepted, all positive emotions. Over the day I think about this emotions, because someone tell me that is good for looking it, and when I think about them, I remember word child. So this emotions I remember from my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know only negative feelings. When and as I see myself to think that I know only negative feelings, I stop and breath. I realize that I know negative feelings and positive emotions, but I have prefer feelings, negativity. I commit myself that I research feeling and emotions and then know what I know and what don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare feel good when I think on baby who drink from the bottle and I do the same. When and as I see myself to scare feel good when I think on baby who drink from the bottle and I do the same, I stop and breath. I realize that I feel good because I remember this emotions from my early ages, when I was single child and my parents take me all time that they have. This was before my age 4, because after this age I have some memory, but there is no anymore good feelings. I commit myself to in same situation research feelings and emotions and know, that this is mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this emotions that I feel in that moment isn't mine, because I think on the other child who enjoy in bed where drink from bottle. When and as I see myself to think that this emotions that I feel in that moment isn't mine, because I honk on the other child who enjoy in bed where dink from bottle, I stop and breath. I realize that I really see other child in my mind, but emotions are mine. In this child in my mind I see myself, I feel forgotten emotions from my childhood and after I start thinking about it, I see this. I commit myself that see my real feelings and emotions in other people if is some reaction in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare and don't see emotions because I think I never felt it. When and as I see myself to scare and don't see emotions because I think I never felt it, I stop and breath, I realize that I felt emotions, but I don't remember it, because I feel better in negative feelings. I feel emotions now too, but not so strong that negative feelings. I commit myself that I feel emotions without scare.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to want to fast grow up when I was young, because older people have more positive emotions, but now, when I grown, I scare to be grown, because I feel only negative feelings and I want be young again. When and as I see myself to want to fast grow up when I was young, because older people have more positive emotions, but now, when I grown, I scare to be grown, because I feel only negative feelings and I want to be young again, I stop and breath. I realize that I want be someone who I'm not. I looking for feelings and emotions on incorrect way. I know, that I can feel what I need all the time, but better for me is, if I don't have too much feelings and emotions and only be, breath and live. I commit myself that I don't look around for feelings and emotions, because I have all in myself, so I must only look in myself.