Day 131: Illness and minds

I feel great and I don't notice that I have broken my imune sistem, but I have some illness that is in relation with bad imune sistem. So where is problem? All is in my mind. And all is in relation with my work. Because I hate my work, I work so much and they don't pay me enough for that kind of work. And since we have new coworker I must work harder than before and do his work. And I hate this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate him because I must work faster than when I don't work with him, to do what he can't to do. When and as I see myself to hate him, I stop and breath. I realise that in beginning I work slowly too, but I try to work as fast as possible, but he don't, we don't see any change. And often we, work together and I must do for myself and him to be same fast than other side, because we must work together. I commit myself that when we work together I try do as fast as possible and be in the moment and breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my work, because I work because of money, but they pay me so little for that kind of work. When and as I see myself to hate my work, I stop and breath. I realise that they give us the minimum of minimum because they don't have more money, they must pay taxes and other stuff and in the end we have only enough for survive. But I must be in other way happy for that, because a lot of people have less than me or they don't give them at all. But I must be happy for that I have, because I have and I can buy myself what I need. I commit myself to stop and breath when I begin thinking about paying and know that year ago I don't have any money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my work, because I must work so much and became tired in the end of the day. When and as I see myself to hate my work because I must work hard, I stop and breath. I realise that it's better be at home and work easily and what I like to do, but that kind of work don't bring any money. If I want money I must work hard. At home or at work. So, I commit myself that when I'm tired I breath and sit down as much as possible and sleep at home that I can survive and regenerate myself and work next day the same good that I must to do.

Day 130: Connect with my body

Shooting with bow. You feel all muscles in back. But when you practice you must be in the moment, connect with body, breath, calm yourself. Practice of shooting is not only practice for shooting, but for your body and mind too. But first time I have big problem with shooting, because I do that first time and I hurt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare that I hurt myself again. When and as I see myself to scare that I hurt myself again, I stop and breath. I realise that I hurt myself because I'm not in moment and I don't be careful on my body position and my arms, and when I be careful and be prepare it was better. I commit myself that I don't scare to hurt myself, because is more options that I do that.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to scare how I hurt myself and not be carefully on my position of arm. When and as I see myself to scare how I hurt myself and not be carefully on my position of arm, I stop and breath. I realise that is more chance to hurt myself when I scare how I hurt myself and not be carefully on my body and arm position. And when in the end I learn how to shoot in correct way I don't have scare anymore and don't hurt myself anymore. I commit myself when I see myself to have scare to hurt myself I stop, breath and calm myself and take the bow in correct way, move my arm in correct angle and breath and shoot, with no any scare.

Day 129: Feel locked-up

I don't feel from time to time good on my work and feel locked-up. I feel that my coworkers don't like me. And in one side I wish work a few months or years more, but in other side I don't want to work not a day anymore. So where is problem and what I really want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad from time to time in my work because I'm slow, became tired soon and not good with other people for conversation. When and as I see myself to feel bad from time to time in my work, I stop and breath. I realise that I became tired because I don't have enough shape and because of this, I work too slow. But for that I don't understand with my coworkers I'm only guilty person, because I don't know what I want to do and look their approve and don't be sure in myself. So, I commit myself that again begin walk each day and if I decide to do something I don't look for other people approve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try be nice with all coworkers, but when I'm tired I do what is not best for all. When and as I see myself to try be nice with all coworkers, but when I'm tired I do what is not best for all, I stop and breath. I realise that I don't need be nice with coworker in way how I talk with them, but that I do what I must to do in the best way and in that way there is no person who don't like me, because they don't see me in other way than how I work and be with myself. I commit myself to do what I must to do, and if no one ask me I was in quiet and with myself.

Day 128: Love 2

And he told me that he can see us in relationship, but when I ask him to meet, he don't have time to do that. So, I became nervous and bad mood and almost cry, because I feel bed, because I think that I'm not enough good for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost cry because he told me that he see us in relationship, but he don't have time for meet. When and as I see myself to almost cry because him, I stop and breath. I realise that we have different perception in ours life and I'm that person who must wait and be in the moment and support him that he decide what he want in life. So, I commit myself that I don't push on him, but I support him if he want support from me, but if he don't want, I leave him alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I'm not good enough for him, because he don't have time for me. When and as I see myself to think that I'm not good enough for him, I stop and breath. I realise that I can't know if I'm good enough for him or not in any way, but if he don't have time, he don't want be with me in relationship, only be friend with me. So, I commit myself to not tell myself if I'm good enough for other people or not, but I be myself and be the best I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for other men and each men is cute for me. When and as I see myself to look for other men and each men is cut for me, I stop and breath. I realise that last time I look for men and a lot of men is cute for me and want be with them. the most is that is holiday time and I feel lonely because I'm alone, but I think that I'm not prepare for go in relationship with any men that I look on. So, I commit myself to when any man is cute for me, I stop, breath and look why is cute for me and how I feel in that moment and if I feel lonely and look for someone I must to know, that I don't need it.

Day 127: Last moment

I see that I do all important and no so important things in last minute. I have a lot of time to do one thing, like one month, but I do it last days and look in the clock if I finish in right moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not doing when I have time, but last moment. When ans as I see myself to not doing what I must to do when I have time, but last moment, I stop and breath. I realise that I take difficult theme and then i don't want to write or doing when I have enough time, but I do when I don't time or last moment. I commit myself to take time each weekend and write blog, and when I doing something I take time like week before end and doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off all what I don't like. When and as I see myself to put off all what I don't like, I stop and breath. I realise that I like to put off all what I don't like and do what I like to do, but there is something more important than other and if I delay something important I must do or finish in last moment and I hate that in real. So, I commit myself to do all when I have time and don't delay, because in the end all must be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hungry, sleepy, thirsty if and when I must something to do or finish and I don't like that to do. When and as I see myself to become hungry, sleepy, thirsty if and when I must something to do, I stop and breath. I realise that I became that when I don't like do what I doing and I find all possible excuses to not to do, but when I finish I see, that it will be better if I don't look for excuses, because I lost lot of time. So, I commit myself that when I see myself to look for excuses or became hungry, I look why I do that and do some SF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for excuses when I don't need it. When and as I see myself to look for excuses when I don't need it, I stop and breath. I realise that is better to go trough problem, writing and finish as soon as possible and later do what I think that I need to do, but is only excuse. I commit myself to move myself in position what I don't like and go trough problems I have in that moment.

Day 126: Love 1

Or what I hate on you. Yes, I see on him something negative too, because I know him so much time and we have ups and downs, so I can see his pluses and minuses and this time I see minuses or how different is than me.

I forgive mysefl that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't like how close is he. When and as I see myself to don't like how close is he, I stop and breath. I realise that I don't know how to prepare him to told me more about him and if he like me or not. But I must to realize that when he want he told me about himself, so I must leave him alone or only support him. I don't like this, because I thin and see myself like a outspoken person who told a lot about myself. So, I commit myself that I don't hate how close he is and I only support him to be himself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't like his shy. When and as I see myself to don't like his shy, I stop and breath. I realise that he like small talk, but when we start talk about him or relation he became shy and son't tell anything about him and what he think. So, I commit myself that I'm carefull and only listen him and support and once maybe tell me more about himself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't like his small talk, because he want to chat when I'm bussy. When and as I see myself to don't like his small talk, I stop and breath. I realise that I often want only talk with someone, so he want to talk with me too, but he want only type all conversations and I don't have time and will be better if we talk, but he don't want to talk on phone or skype or any where, so I must typing too. I commit myself that I accepted his wish and breath and told him if I don't have enough time for chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't like because he don't want chat on phone. When and as I see myself to don't like because he don't want to chat on phone, I stop and breath. I realise that if you typing you slow your mind and think what you must to write and so on. But in some situations I want to hurry up all together, because I don't have time, I want to told him a lot of things as so on, but he don't like chat on phone any time, ok, he call me before we need to meet each other and he is not on computer to write. But I want to chat or listen him more often than once in two years when we see each other. So, I commit myself to calm myself, breath, and accepted that he don't like chat on phone and when I want to chat ask if he want and if he say no, I don't care about that.

Day 125: Love

Yes, I write that I'm in love, but in real I don't know what think about. I know this men a few years and last 2 years are single. And I'm tired because I want to tell him direct and indirect that I like him, but he don't react on any suggestion, so I don't know where I am. And when I see him I become crazy on him and I think that he like me too, but I don't know if it's real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want be with him, but I don't know if he want be with me. When and as I see myself to want be with him, but I don't know if he want to be me, I stop and breath. I realise that I want be with him, because I see something on him, but I don't know jet what. He don't have time for me, is all the time bussy, I cry often because of him and all the time I'm dissapointed in relation on him, but when I see him I'm in love. So, I commit myself that I want to be real when I see him and see what is the thing that I love or what I want to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in real conversation scare to told him that will be better if he made first step and so on, but on computer I don't have any problem to told him anything. When and as I see myself to in real conversation scare to told him that will be better if he made first step and so on, but on computer I don't have any problem to told him anything, I stop and breath. I realise that there is not that guilty of computer but it is my feelings to him and because it I scare told mu all and how I want to tell me. I commit myself to try next time be alone with him and told him all what I want to told him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't want to leave him because we know each other too much time. When and as I see myself to don't want to leave him because we know each other too much time, I stop and breath. I realise that I think that if I leave to go where he want to go, I hurt him, but in this way I hurt myself and is tough for me because I live this life, and I wish that once be together, because now we are only friends or less, but we know each other 6 or 7 years and I don't want to lost him. I commit myself that I go and breath and live my life and allow him to live his life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I'm guilty that he left his ex. When and as I see myself to think that I'm guilty that he left his ex, I stop and breath. I realise that he left his ex because he want do this and not bcause we kiss each other once when we meet each other. So, I commit myself to when I feel guilty, I stop, brath and know, that left partner is because them, not my guilty and he made this choice.