Day 73: Bad mood or depression

One year ago I live my life in bad mood or depression. I was so deprressed and I want to die. Then I found some people who told me about DIP and I start with this process. In few months I see change on myself although I don't work on depression it help me. But now I feel that I go back in bad mood. I feel bad one month and in this time I again talk about death and kill myself. All in my life go wrong and I don't have enough money, I don't have enough bussines, I don't know how survive. I thinking about that I close my bussines.

So I decide I write series blogs about my bad mood or depression and I try to find reason for that. I know that will be so difficult because I'm in beginning of writing and I need some help to see ight points. But I belive in myself that I can go trought this and find where is the bigger problem for my bad mood, depression, laziness and other situations.

So ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I can change myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it. When and as I see myself to belive that I can chance myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it, I stop and breath. I realize that I must go though all situation that I want to change it. In the beginning it must work if you write about most important problem that you have in that situation and you solve other problems too, but if you don't solve explicite situation, you have problem with this situation all the time. I realize this in less that one year, because I have the same problem with depression like one year ago before I start with process. I commit myself that when I see poblem I go through problem I try solve it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay with go through depression. When and as I see myself to delay with go though depression, I stop and breath. I realize that this delay don't help me at all and I feel like before begining. I argue with all people that they don't think like me and I want arguing with people because I'm nervous all the time. I commit myself that I begin with going through all situations about depression.

Day 72: I'm not good enough

Today I have lecture or workshop, where I talk about a few think that I don't know enough. So I send my presentation person who ask me for this lecture and this person say, that this is cool. I think, that they want to hear what I write. So today I talk and people start conversation with each-other. THen one person say me stop, that this what I talk is not what they want to hear. I start talk about other think, but my mood fall down and became angy and talk myself how usless and not good enough I am and I think, that it was the best, that I close my business, because I'm self-employed. I try to see somthing positive in this, but I don't se it. People say, that I'm so good, because I try to talk, have lecture or workshop, and talk a front of so much people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough. When and as I see myself think that I know enough, I stop and breath. I realize, that I have some pettern. When I don't want to learn enough I think, that I know enough and say myself that it's be all ok. But in real I don't learn enough and I don't know at all. And I think this yesterday and today. I commit myself that I learn what I must to know since I know enough, not oly think, that I know enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too lazy for learn, work, write, cook and other things. When and as I see myself to be to lazy for learn, work, write, cook andother tkongs, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not good for me, because stop me. I have a lot of ideas, but because I don't trying enough, I don't finish any idea. So I must try and go through this lazy seson, push myself that I be the best myself. I commit myself that I push myself through when I see that I don't want do what I must or be got to do.

Day 71: Money freedom

I live in my parents house, because I can't earn enough. I try to help them, that they help me. I'm not free. I don't have free choice. But no, not only because I live with my parent's, I don't have free choice, because I don't have enough money. Money is chain in my life. I'm not free because it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't fell free, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself not to fell fre, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that you have less freedom that people in prison if you don't have money. Luckily for me, I live with my parents who help me. Sometimes I want sit in the car and go around, but I don't have money for gas. So I must stay home or ask them for money. I try to learn some money, but I don't know how. I commit myself that I find job and learn enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell less, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself fell less, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money is not all in the world. I know a lot of think and I can grow food for myself. I know a lot and I can make a lot. A lot of people don't know so much than me, so I can't fell less. In the end we all are people and better help each other that hate each other. And if I can make something, that someone need, that I can sell or exchange with him. I can survive without money. I commit myself, that I know a lot and I can survive with selling and exchangeing what I make or grow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money don't bring happy. People who don't have money are unhappy and people who have moeny are unhappy, because they want more and more and more money. So money don't bring happiness. The best way is, that you happy with money you have and try be happy because other things, little thinks. I commit myself that I be happy with how mučh money I have.

Day 70: Friends

A few days ago I was angry on one person who told me, that I'm his friend. I can't say someone that I know him/her a few days that is my friend. I can't say anyone that is my friend. I have some people can I trust them and in group of people I use word friend, but I have problem how to describe this word, what mean for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I don't have any friends. When and as I see myself to belive that I don't have any friends, I stop and breath. I realize that I have a lot of people that I trust them, but I can't say, that is anyone my friend. But this is only what I think and belive. Reality is how I act and what tell them. I commit myself that I know, that I have friends, but I don't tell them friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty when I think about friends. When and as I see myself feel empty when I think about friends, I stop and breath. I realize that my definition of friends is different than real different, so when I think about word friend and if I have some I fell empty, so I must look in dictionary and look what word friend mean and who is my friend. I commit myself that I use word friend more often because I look in dictionary and I know what mean.

Friend

[frend] 

 

• Synonyms
• Examples
• Word Origin

noun

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:

friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:

Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.

a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.

(initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

6.

a person associated with another as a contact on a social-networking website:

We've never met, but we're Facebook friends.

verb (used with object)

7.

Rare. to befriend.

8.

to add (a person) to one's list of contacts on a social-networkin gwebsite:

I just friended a couple of guys in my class.

Idioms

9.

make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become a friend to.

In that way all people who gave me assistence are my friends and people in same nation, party and so one are my friends too. And I have a lots of Facebook friends. Since now I think, that frends are person that I feel somethink to them, but this is only one definition of friend. So all people in the world are my friends and I must talk with them friendly and akt that they are my friends. I have a lot of friends, but I don't use word friend for them. All people in this world are my friends.

Day 69: Cooking in public

I feel sick. I'm so nevous because I cooking in public in one competition. In this competition I must prepare some dish with some must use ingredients and some other that be there. I know what I will cooking, but I don't know if I have enough time, because I prepare the same dish at home and I finish in last second, but I don't doo all I want to do tomorrow. I have only 20 minutes to made dish. I cook in public and I cook on time, but not bouth in the same time, this is first time for me, and I hope I'm good and stable enough that I make what I think and I don't forgot any ingredient.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous, because I cooking in public on time first time. When and as I see myself to be nervous, because I cooking in public o time first time, I stop and breath. I realize that this is big test for me and how I doing under pressure. Each time when is something new for me, I'm nervous, but this time I'm really nevous. I commit myself that I calm myself with beathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that if I don't win is no metter if I'm the last. When and as I see myself to think, that if I don't win is no metter if I'm the last, I stop and breath. I realize that my chose that I cook in public is big decision and I winner because I decision go in this competition. This is for me big oportunity, because there will be some people who have cooking magazine and this was big step for me, that this people see me. I do the best I can and be happy in each place. I commit myself that I'm calm, stable and do what I can do in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous all week, because I don't know what to prepare, when I cook and other think. When and as I see myself to be nervous all week, because I don't know what to prepare, when I cook and other think, I stop and breath. I realize that I have enough time to decide what to prepare and I ask when I cook, because I don't know where to look. I ask for a lot of think and they told me. Now I must only look where I cook and go there and prepare how I know. This is so simple and I know all. Because I'm nervous, I don't sleep enough and I'm tired at day. I commit myself that I go to the bed soon and try to sleep fast, like I go in bed, and breath and don't think.

Day 68: Who am I- playing roles

I'm thinking. Who am I? Am I boss of my firm, or someone who look for job? Am I farmer or young person who look for fun? In each moment I play different role, but who I am in real. I know, that I'm only person, but why I must play, why I change dress when I came from shopping and go to the meeting, this is playing and in real this I'm not me. I try to talk with all people, but I understand with someone, but with other not. I don't try chat with all anymore. I think, that I am who I am in real only on web, where told all what I think, but not all. Mybe only in blog I'm real me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think who I am. When and as I see myself to think who I am, I stop and breath. I realize that this is a big question and I have more time to realize who I am in real, but now I know, that I'm person, who can told all about myself and want to please all people around me. I know that this is not possible, because someone love me, but other hate me, but this is not my problem. I commit myself that I try to be who I really am, so I talk, behave and do in way I know that I me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think what I am. When and as I see myself to think what I am, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't know what I am. Am I boos or someone who look for job, farmer or youg person who look for fun, mybe I'm something other? But I see that in real I am all this. I'm boos and farmer, I'm young person who look for fun and look for job. And this is not my play, this I am. I do all this. I am all this. But here are problem, because I play different roles. I behave differenty when I am boos and when I'm farmer. I commit myself that I realize what I am as soon as posible,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I play a lot of roles and want to please all people around me. When and as I see myself to think that I play a lot of roles and want to please all people around me, I stop and breath. I realize that if I behave in all situation the same, think and talk the same, in this moment I don't play roles. Yes, I change my outfit, but in my bassis I'm I, but only if I think, talk, and behave in all situation the same. If I try to show myself better in one situation, but in other I think, that I'm less than other people, in thai sutuation I play roles. I commit myself that I behave, think and talk in all situation the same and don't play, but I'm me who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can talk with all people the same. When and as I see myself that I think that I can talk with all people the same, I stop and breath. I realize that I can't talk with all people the same, because I can't tell all about myself to all people, because some information are private, and some people don't need to know all about me, what I do and why I do what I do. I want that people think how good person I am. I commit myself that I'm me, whatever I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to show myself in best way to other people. When and as I see myself to try to show myselt in best way to other people, I stop and breath. I realize that I can be only what I am, and I can't be other person who really am. I don't need to think what to do in front of other people, I must be who I am. I commit myself that I behave like I know is the best, but I must be me in real.

Day 67: Why me?

I live in farm and I'm oldest one. My parents will go in Friday to trip and I must care for cows in the stable. I asking myself why me, why don't ask my sister who live in the same house too? I don't work there first time and I know, that this is not last time. Mybe I must move in other place and find yob where I work all day there, not at home. I don't know, but I know, that I must will go in Friday on the stable and care for cows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate to go to the stable. When and as I see myself to hate to go to the stable, I stop and breath. I realize that I hate go to the stable, because I'm lazy and don't want work at home, because noone pay me. But this is not thrue. I can free live here, not need to pay. So I must work home to live here, because I don't learn enough money. I commit myself that I go to the stable and I'm happy that I don't need to pay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on people around me, because I must go to the stable and work there. When and as I see myself to be angry on people around me, because I must go to the stable and work there, I stop and breath. I realize that this is good for me, because I know to work a lot of thinks. And the worst for me is if I'm angry on other people because I'm lazy for work. I commit myself that I go to the stable and do what I must to do because myself and animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare go to the stable, because I have a few accidents with cows before. When and as I see myself to scare go to the stable, because I have a few accidents with cows before, I stop and breath. I realize that if I be carefull and watch what I do, that I don't have any accident anymore. This accidents become, because I'm not carefull and move too fast and scare them. So if I move slowly its all be ok. I commit myself that I go to the stable and breath and think what I do, not what I must to do out of the stable.