Day 54: Work

I love to cook, so I decide to teach other to cooking. I have workshops at home. But this is my wish in real I don't have any work, because I don't have any customer. I talk with some people, but in the end nothing came to the end. I have only one workshop with children a two week ago. This is my first and last workshop. I have FB page too, and there are more than 2,400 likes. So where are problems? Mybe because I affraid that I don't know enouh about cooking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affraid that I don't know enough for teach adults cooking. When and as I see myself to be affraid that I don't know enough for teach adults cooking, I stop and breath. I realize that some persons don't know to cook. How old is not important. I know enough to teach other cooking. I commit myself that I belive in myself that I know enough to teach other to cook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I'm not good enough for teach other. When and as I see myself think that I'm not good enough for teach other, I stop and breath. I realize, that some persons know more than me, but other know less than me. But all belive in themself and they was succeed in their work. I commit myself that I belive in myself and I know that I can do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think negative and not be sure in myself. When and as I see myself think negative and not be sure in myself, I stop and breath. I realize if I think that it no go, then no go. In that way I prevent myself to success. So I must change my thinking and all go. I commit myself that I belive in myself and think that I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to try and do some promotion for myself because I don't belive in myself. When and as I see myself not to try and do some promotion for myself because I don't belive in myself, I stop and breath. I realize that if I don't do promotion, I can't do workshops, because people can't know me and they don't know what I have. I commit myself that I start do promotion for myself and my workshops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself affraid myself and not be myself. When and as I see myself affraid myself and not be myself, I stop and breath. I realize that when I be what I am, and do what I want, that I can move, go up. When I think if is this good or not, I stay in the same place. So I must move myself and be what I am. I commit myself that I be what I am and I don't affraid myself.

Day 53: Negative comments

I write two blogs, one in english and one in my language. In slovenian blog I have more comments than english and a lot of this comments are negative. They laugh what I writing and how I writing. I know that I can't react in that writing, but it's hurt me any way. People who write like this they not have any picture and only nickname.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be upset, because other talk bad about me. When and as I see myself be upset, because other talk bad about me, I stop and breath. I realize that is other problem not mine. If other people talk bad about me, that I know they hate themself or they don't know why I write this. But if they want to know, they ask, not comment in that way. I commit myself that I don't be upset and don't take this comments personalyl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take all personally, because I'm public person and all people can read my blogs. When and as I see myself to take all personally, because I'm public person and all people can read my blogs, I stop and breath. I realize that I must know when I take some words personally, because they talk me and about me, and when I must only read it and go forward and don't think about words I read it. I must stop think what other people think about me. I commit myself that I don't take all personally and stop think what other persons think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that all people around me think and talk about me. When and as I see myself think that all people around me think and talk about me, I stop and breath. I realize that I think what other people think about me. But other people think the same. What other people think about me. So, if I do what I want to do and be myself, no one notice that I do this, because all think about themself. I commit myself that I don't think anymore what other people think about me.

Day 52: Hormones over me

Once a month I have big problems with myself. In that time I was nervous and each word made fight with other. For all what I do, I blame my hormones. Hormones are guilty for my blotchs at my 29 years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my hormones for my behaviour. When and as I see myself to blame my hormones for my behaviour, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm old enough that I can know that hormones can't affect on me if I don't want this. So always when is time to have hormone problems, then I be alone, write and breath. I commit myself that I watch myself and prevent my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I can have bad behave when I have period and PMS, because in that moment are a lot of hormones in my body. When and as I see myself to think, that I can have bad behave when I have period and PMS, because in that moment are a lot of hormones in my body, I stop and breath. I realize that homones are all the time in my body, so this can't be excuse for my behavour. So I must be responsibility and know, that what I do are because I do, not hormones. I commit myself that when is that time I look myself and see how I behave and stop myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bad behaviour. When and as I see myself to have bad behaviour, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm old enough, that I know, how to behave and that I can't be subborn, can't scream on other and other think. I commit myself that I behave same in time when I have hormone issue or not.

Day 51: Caves

I love caves, darknes in it and colorfull dripstones when is light. In some case parents told his children that is some dwarf in it or some bad man in it and is not good to go in it. But this is because they don't want go in it because they scared. I love caves to, because is there quiet, you can be there what you are, noone tell you what you must behavour there, yes, they tel you that you can't walk in some place, you can't destroying etc. In cave I'm with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell better in caves than outside caves. When and as I see myself fell better in caves than outside caves, I stop and breath. I realize that caves is more important than other places. This is not posible, because all places in this world is equal. This, that caves is beautifull and so on is only in my mind and this only I think. I commit myself that I know, that all places in the word beautifull.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself behavour how I want in caves. When and as I see myself behavour how I want in caves, I stop and breath. I realize that in caves you must behavor differently like in other places. There you must be more carefull, watch what you doo, you can't destroying and damage dripstones and you must watch for animals which lives in caves. But I can be in cave what I am. People that I go with them in cave I know it and I can be real me. In caves is my behavour different like when I'm not in cave. I think like cave is my home. This is only in my mind. I fell ok in caves is because I go there alone, not with my parents and sister and where am in cave I became soon tired, but not so much. Because I'm tired I behave more decent like when I'm not tired. I commit myself that I know that my behavour is better in caves because I'm tired when I walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that only in caves I can be with myself. When and as I see myself think that only in caves I can be with myself, I stop and breath. I realize that I can be with myself when I want to be, not only in caves. Mybe is more quite and peacefull in caves, but I don't need this to be with myself. I can be with myself all the time, the most when I realize my physically body. I commit myself that I'm with myself all the time in all place where I am.

Day 50: Search for myself

I realize that other people know me better than I know myself. I don't look myself where I have problems and what I must change. Other people around me, see me, because I ask them that they tell me how they see me and sometimes I'm surprised on their description how they see me.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself don't see myself and be surprised what other tell about me. When and as I see myself when don't see myself and I'm surprised what other tell about me, I stop and breath. I realize that I think too much. If I don't think and more fell my body I faster see what my body want and who I am. Other people say, that I open myself in last time. But I think, that I was always open, because I tell other people all about myself. But this is not this. Be open and told all about self is not the same. I commit myself that I look and see myself and see who and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I'm open, because I tell other people all about myself. When and as I see myself think, that I'm open, because tell other people all about myself, I stop and breath. I realize that be open is when listen people around you and hear them and if someone ask you somethink, you answer, tell them what you think, not impose your option them. Be open for what you hear and what other understand if you talk. This is being open, not only tell all about yoursef. I commit myself that I listen other and only tell what I want to tell, not impose my option them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself don't see myself. When and as I see myself that I don't see myself, I stop and breath. I realize that this is only my think, because I see myself, but I don't see at the same time. I want change myself and I scare if I change myself. This is not good for me. If I see that I do something wrong, I must change, if I do something, that I must change, I do change. I commit myself that I see myself when I look myself and if I do something wrong, I change that.

Day 49: University

I went to the Universiti and I study there some years, but I don't finis it, because I don't made some exames. One exame I made 6 times, but each fall and for this is fold of my profesors. Since then I don't go near this buildings, because I fell bad near it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fold my profesors that I don't do exame. When and as I see myself fold my profesors that I don't do exame, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't do exame, because I study too little and I don't know what they ask me. Profesors try teach all what we need to made exame and go to the yob. I commit myself that I go in the exame only if I know enough that I do exame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be so nervous, that I forgot a words. When and as I see myself be so nervous, that I forgot a words, I stop and breah. I realize that I start forget words at that moment, because I was so nervous. Since then I look myself and realize that I forgot word more often that before last exam in university that I go and fall. I think that moment is important only in my mind. I know that I forgot words before this too, but I forgot that I forget it. I commit myself that if you forget word is not so important, because each person can forgot it, if they in new situation or nervous, so in that moment I stop and breath and try remember this word or describe it, other people that don't know that I forgot word, because they don't know what I must to sey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell bad when I walk near  or see buildings that I study inside. When and as I see myself fell bad when I walk near or see buildings that I study inside, I stop and breath. I realize that is my memories and I conect building with moment that I fell exame. Building is only building, nothing elese. Is concrete, windows, doors, and other stuff that made for. In buildings is not fellings, nothing. All my bad perception is only in my mind. Building isn't fold that I don't do exame, only I am fold. I commit myself that I see the building of my University only building, nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself finish all with university. When and as I see myself finish all with University, I stop and breath. I realize that I want finish my study, but I know that this isn't posible, so I must finist all conetcion with university and live my new life that I have it. I know this is in my past and there must be. I commit myself that I start cut conetion with university and start breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I fell less, because I don't finish university. When and as I see myself that I fell less, because I don't finish universtity, I stop and breath. I realize, that I'm not the first or the last, who fall it. I know, that I live without it and I learn what I want and I need. I live my life and this is more important than one school. I commit myself that I'm proud on myself, because I know a lot.

Day 48: Kiss

A few weeks ago I be with some men and in one moment I was so near to his lips, that I must kiss him. Today all day I think about thhat kiss, his lips and want kiss him again, but this is not possible. I know that I can't feel anything on him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think about that kiss. When and as I see myself think about that kiss, I stop and breath. I realize that this kiss in that moment don't mean me anything, but now I think about that kiss and his lips. I know that this don't help me, so I must stop thinking about him and his lips and this kiss. I commit myself that I don't think what was and I live in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have this kiss for a big deal. When and as I see myself have this kiss for a big deal, I stop and breath. I realize that kiss is only tuch my and their lips. This is only tuch, a little kiss, but in my mind this became big deal. I commit myself that I see that kiss only small kiss, nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think/belive that kissing is more intimately like have intercourse. When and as I see myself think/belive that kissing is more intimately like have intercourse, I stop and breath. I realize that is only in my head. Nothing is more or less intimately, this is only my perceptions, this is only what I think and how I see and understand some relations. Each touch can be intime, or if someone touch you, isn't intime for you. This is how you look touch. The same is kiss. I commit myself that I see kiss some normal and not so intime that I see in this moment, kiss is only kiss and I kiss all for goodbay or something like.