Day 61: Ignore

In last blog I wrote that I become angry, because I think, that people ignore me, because they talk when I want to talk. In the end I realize that I had my microphone on mute. But this word, ignore, can mean a lot. Each person I think are ignore someone. But this isn't all. Each person ignore thyself too. Most banal situation is when you must go to the toalete, but you wait and wait and in the end you must to go on all fours. This is ignoring thyself too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I never ignor noone, because I talk with all people and listen them, but if I think, I don't listen all, only people that I want to listen it. I don't listen people who need my help, because I think, that I don't have money, time or material things that help them, but I can help other people in the other way too. I can listen them and tell other people their story and other people can help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I never ignor myself, but this isn't thrue. I don't listen my body when something hurt me, I don't listen myself when I must go to the toalete, bu t I don't go, because I'm too lazy and in the end I came to toalete in last second, I don't listen my body when I'm hungry or I'm full. I realy don't listen and ignore my physical body what they want and need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ignore mean that other people don't listen you. In primary school my schoolmate ignore me, because they don't want talk with me and because it, I'm be alone all the time. They be and talk with me, because they must conversation with me, but they listen me, but mybe they don't hear me what I want tell them. A few years ago they say me, that I behave/act too mature for them, so they don't want socialize with me. Because this I learn live with myself and don't fell alone in group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive, that ignore someone is when you listen people, but they don't hear it or when someone want to tell you somethink, but you go away, because you don't want listen what they want to tell you, or you see person who need some help, but you don't want to help this person. But this is only one parth of ignoring. But all part of ignoring hurt people who been ignored.

Day 60: Talk with ...

I have Skype chat with some people and I do something. In the middle of conversation I mute my microphone and forgot, that do this. In the end I want to say something, but noone don't want hear me. What is wrong, why all ignore me? I want say something. I start to swear, because I became angry on all of people in conversation. All say bye and I realize, that I have my michrophone in mute.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry to other people, because I think, that they ignore me, but they can't hear me, because I have microphone on mute. When and as I see myself be angry on other people, because I think, that they  ignore me, but they can't hear me, because I have microphone on mute, I stop and breath. I realize that I became angry on them, because I think, that they heare me and ignore me, but I didn't look why they ignore me in real. In the end I see where is problem and see, that all is my quilty. I commit myself, that I look why they ignore me and see if problem is in my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start swear because I became angry on them. When and as I see myself to start swear because I became angry on them, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't swear often, but this time is my angry so big. I don't remember what words I use, but I happy now, that they don't hear it. But better will be, if I don't use any words and only breath and calm myself. I commit myself, that if I think, that other people ignore me, I turn and go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I offend people who ignore me, if I say some unsuitable words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words that I think is unsuitable words or swearing words, but any words isn't in dictionary labelled that this is word for swear or is unsuitable words. Only people see this cind of words. Word is only word and in dictionary isn't write that you must fell something if you say or hear any word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on myself when I realize where is problem, because I don't realize this sooner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be happy, because noone hear what I say, because I fell embarrased if they hear me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yell when I swear, because I'm so angry and don't see what is doing on.

Day 59: To bake pastry

This days I bake a lot. In the begining I help my mum bake for wedding and later/this week I bake for us, for birthdays and for some other celebration in our vilage. I prefere cook like bake, but this time I love to bake too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love/like cooking more than baking. When and as I see myself love/like cooking more than baking, I stop and breath. I realize that this is for chefs different job, because some chefs only cook and other only bake, but I only love/like do this, so is good if I do both with the same love. I commit myself that I have cooking and baking part of prepare all menu.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bake this time with some positive energy, because I can bake next to one person with whom I other years have a big arguing about baking, who bake and what to bake and why not, but this year I agree what this person say and I do this, help this person with bake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous other time and because this my fell I start arguing and yell and all go wrong, but this year I'm so calm and all go right, we can conversation in calm and all is peacefull and easy to work.

Day 58: Birthday wishes

Happy bithday. Each year the same. And I hate this wihes, because birthday is day like each other day. Nothing important, only one year older we are. We don't do anything for this day, our mothers are, but all regrats have ourself, not our mothers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that birthday is so important day, but in real is day like other days and nothing more or less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on people who want wish me for birthday, but with the time I realize that this is not important and if someone wish me for my birthday, I say simple thank you and live my life and I'm not angry on anyone, because other people don't know, that I hate this, but in the same time, I wish that all wish me when I have birthday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't know what I realy wish for myself, that they wish me or not and this is only my problem, so the best is, that I know, and allow all of them, who want wish me, that do this and who don't want I know, that is good too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live each day the same, because each day is equal and if you have birthay or not is the same and I must work or doing other think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be what I am and don't pretend what I'm not. I'm like attention, but I don't like too much attention. I like peace around me too, but sometimes I want be with croud. And this is me, but I can change this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that only important days is that days when you do something important, like start walk, talk, you go to the school, you do something important, you learn some impotant, not only be one year older, but each day is the same important and unigue, because each day you learn something new.

Day 57: Lies, lies, lies

I'm Ok, I fell good, i'm change myself, I live,.. I lie myself. Some days I fell Ok, but other days I fell bad for almoust no reason. Mybe are hormons, mybe is my mind, mybe I want to be bad mood. I lie myself when I post blog on forum and look when take some comment. Or when I post my blogs on facebook page or groups. I look when someone touch button LIKE, because it mean to me so much. But I lie myself that  I do this for myself. So why I want to other see what I write and tell me if I write correct or wrong? This is not metter in real. More important is that I write, but I don't write enough. I don't tell enough SF, I don't breath enough. I so lazy and I lie myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what I do wrong but not change my attitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know what I can change, but I do the same again and again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect some reaction from other people, because I don't belive in myself and I need confirmation from other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive, that if some people like my blog that they read it, but I know, that most people like because raiting, so like all blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive when I told myself that I lie myself when I do something that I don't need to do, or be better if I don't do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know, that if I told myself that I lie, that is not good for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what problem I have, but nothing to do that I change in better way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and don't want to do anything, because I think that one day be better.

Day 56: Gift for writing

Recently I write a lot. I write a few different blogs in two language, but most of people reading my blogs in my mother language. A few of them, that read it say to me, that I have talent for writing, but I don't belive them. In primary school my mum write my essays, because I'm to bad in it. Latter I start writing myself and each year was better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so lazy for writing, that someone write essays instead of me and I only re-write in my notebook, but in that way I learn writing too, but this isn't fair for her.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to try write better my essays at home for school, because this is my homework and I must do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I don't write enough good for school, if one person at home say that this isn't good enough for school, for that reason next time I don't want try wrote better, because I know, that this person write again like this person want and think is the best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit this person for writing, because this person write better than me and each time I must read what is writen and this person say to me, that expect, that next time I write like this, but I don't want to do this.

I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to belive people who now told me that I have talent for writing, because I think, that I still don't write enough good like when I was in school, but now write a lot and they read my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all I was write is ok, but I don't belive that I have talent, because I write really a lot and all what I write is normal for me, because I write about myself and this is so easy for write and don't need talent for that.

Day 55: Lucky day

A few years ago I realize that I have lucky in that day. All went wrong, but all is good in the end of the day. So I decide that 9th day at month is my lucky day. I belive in that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that one day in the month is my lucky day. When and as I see myself belive that one day in the month is my lucky day, I stop and breath. I realize that all days are lucky the same. I commit myself that each day are the same lucky.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to decide that some day is more important than other, because I had a few events that happened to me on the same day in different months that I defined/perceived as being lucky and so connected with the number of the day, as if that number has somthing to do with the events.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify that 9th day is my lucky day with my memory of an event that I have perceived as lucky, not realizing that that or similar event could have happen on any other day and so it has nothing to do with the number of the day as day numbers is what humans made up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that by deciding that only 9th day is my lucky day, I with this actually decided that all other days all not lucky for me and so with this belief actually manifested the experience for myself where I would feel unlucky on all other days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some events as lucky because they are reare, but other events which is more often is normal, not lucky at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that have lucky is posible, but if you do all the best way you can, one day must be all good.