sobota, 30. maj 2015

Day 50: Search for myself

I realize that other people know me better than I know myself. I don't look myself where I have problems and what I must change. Other people around me, see me, because I ask them that they tell me how they see me and sometimes I'm surprised on their description how they see me.



I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself don't see myself and be surprised what other tell about me. When and as I see myself when don't see myself and I'm surprised what other tell about me, I stop and breath. I realize that I think too much. If I don't think and more fell my body I faster see what my body want and who I am. Other people say, that I open myself in last time. But I think, that I was always open, because I tell other people all about myself. But this is not this. Be open and told all about self is not the same. I commit myself that I look and see myself and see who and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I'm open, because I tell other people all about myself. When and as I see myself think, that I'm open, because tell other people all about myself, I stop and breath. I realize that be open is when listen people around you and hear them and if someone ask you somethink, you answer, tell them what you think, not impose your option them. Be open for what you hear and what other understand if you talk. This is being open, not only tell all about yoursef. I commit myself that I listen other and only tell what I want to tell, not impose my option them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself don't see myself. When and as I see myself that I don't see myself, I stop and breath. I realize that this is only my think, because I see myself, but I don't see at the same time. I want change myself and I scare if I change myself. This is not good for me. If I see that I do something wrong, I must change, if I do something, that I must change, I do change. I commit myself that I see myself when I look myself and if I do something wrong, I change that.

nedelja, 24. maj 2015

Day 49: University

I went to the Universiti and I study there some years, but I don't finis it, because I don't made some exames. One exame I made 6 times, but each fall and for this is fold of my profesors. Since then I don't go near this buildings, because I fell bad near it.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fold my profesors that I don't do exame. When and as I see myself fold my profesors that I don't do exame, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't do exame, because I study too little and I don't know what they ask me. Profesors try teach all what we need to made exame and go to the yob. I commit myself that I go in the exame only if I know enough that I do exame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be so nervous, that I forgot a words. When and as I see myself be so nervous, that I forgot a words, I stop and breah. I realize that I start forget words at that moment, because I was so nervous. Since then I look myself and realize that I forgot word more often that before last exam in university that I go and fall. I think that moment is important only in my mind. I know that I forgot words before this too, but I forgot that I forget it. I commit myself that if you forget word is not so important, because each person can forgot it, if they in new situation or nervous, so in that moment I stop and breath and try remember this word or describe it, other people that don't know that I forgot word, because they don't know what I must to sey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell bad when I walk near  or see buildings that I study inside. When and as I see myself fell bad when I walk near or see buildings that I study inside, I stop and breath. I realize that is my memories and I conect building with moment that I fell exame. Building is only building, nothing elese. Is concrete, windows, doors, and other stuff that made for. In buildings is not fellings, nothing. All my bad perception is only in my mind. Building isn't fold that I don't do exame, only I am fold. I commit myself that I see the building of my University only building, nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself finish all with university. When and as I see myself finish all with University, I stop and breath. I realize that I want finish my study, but I know that this isn't posible, so I must finist all conetcion with university and live my new life that I have it. I know this is in my past and there must be. I commit myself that I start cut conetion with university and start breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I fell less, because I don't finish university. When and as I see myself that I fell less, because I don't finish universtity, I stop and breath. I realize, that I'm not the first or the last, who fall it. I know, that I live without it and I learn what I want and I need. I live my life and this is more important than one school. I commit myself that I'm proud on myself, because I know a lot.

sreda, 20. maj 2015

Day 48: Kiss

A few weeks ago I be with some men and in one moment I was so near to his lips, that I must kiss him. Today all day I think about thhat kiss, his lips and want kiss him again, but this is not possible. I know that I can't feel anything on him.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think about that kiss. When and as I see myself think about that kiss, I stop and breath. I realize that this kiss in that moment don't mean me anything, but now I think about that kiss and his lips. I know that this don't help me, so I must stop thinking about him and his lips and this kiss. I commit myself that I don't think what was and I live in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have this kiss for a big deal. When and as I see myself have this kiss for a big deal, I stop and breath. I realize that kiss is only tuch my and their lips. This is only tuch, a little kiss, but in my mind this became big deal. I commit myself that I see that kiss only small kiss, nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think/belive that kissing is more intimately like have intercourse. When and as I see myself think/belive that kissing is more intimately like have intercourse, I stop and breath. I realize that is only in my head. Nothing is more or less intimately, this is only my perceptions, this is only what I think and how I see and understand some relations. Each touch can be intime, or if someone touch you, isn't intime for you. This is how you look touch. The same is kiss. I commit myself that I see kiss some normal and not so intime that I see in this moment, kiss is only kiss and I kiss all for goodbay or something like.

torek, 19. maj 2015

Day 47: Talk with someone

Today I write short notice in my Facebook page about alcohol. I write that isn't good to drink alcohol because you have problems. On of my friend comment that if you eat too much, you have problems too. But that person write in that way that I think they think, that if you eat too much, you have problem, but if you drink alcohol is ok, but in the middle write too, that they agree with me that is be drunk bad.




I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be angry on that person, because they want told me, that food is bad too, but I don't unterstand them. When and as I see myself be angry on that person, because they want told me, that food is bad too, but I don't understand them, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't read carefully, because I read what I want to read, not what is writen. In real I'm angry on myself that I don't understand this person. This person write what they think, but I want read what I think that this person write. I commit myself that I read what is writen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that other persons write what I want to read. When and as I see myself believe that other persons write what I want to read, I stop and breath. I realize that this is mission imposible, because all people write what they think about some problem. I commit myself that I go with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be bad mood, because I see that this person write in comment in oposite way what I want to say and told other. When and as I see myself be bad mood, because I see that this person write in comment in oposite way what I want to say and told other, I stop and breath. I realize that is normal. All person want told you that you don't know, that what you say is incorrect, want told you, that opposte notice is better than your and something like this. In that moment I must be stable and I must explain what I think and what I want to say calm, with no reaction. I commit myself that next time I be calm and explain what I want to say, and don't answer if someone want say to me that this isn't correct what I told.

četrtek, 14. maj 2015

Day 46: I must go

Last month I realize that I do something differently that last years. Some days I decide and I go out, go around my country for some hours, day or some days. I don't care what is where I live, but I know, that all be ok, because other do what I do other days.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell badly, because I decide and go around and enjoy. When and as I see myself fell badly, because I decide and go around and enjoy, I stop and breath. I realize that I can take my time and enjoy, because I look for my grandma 8 years and I can live and go around. I commit myself that I go around more often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself cry because I think about how I look for my grandma. When and as I see myself cry because I think about how I look for my grandma, I stop and breath. I realize that this is my decide, but I decide that I help my mum look for my grandma and I don't have time for myself. Yes, I go to the school, I have boyfriend, but I look when I came home, that I take her for eat and cook for all family and I still cook for my family. My mum came home late, so I cook for my dad, 90 years old men and myself, sometimes for my sister too. I commit myself that I live my life and don't think what was in past so often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that my parents be angy on me if I don't cook for them and they will be hungry. When and as I see myself think that my parents be angry on me if I don't cook for them and they will be hungry, I stop and breath. I realize that this is in my mind only. I know, that they can cook for themselfs and if they hungry they eat. If I have something that I must to go, I must go, but if I go for fun is other, because I don't have enough money for fun and spend it in that way. I commit myself that I know that I can go, because I learn some little money with help at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I must listen my parents, because I live in their home. When and as I see myself think that I must listen my parents, because I live in their home, I stop and breath. I realize that is good for me and them if and when I help him, because I live once in this house with my partner and children. House is big and my help is good for all. In that case I help them and they help me. And I hope soon I can earn enough for live with my money and don't ask them for help. So each cent is good and help me, so if I go around I spend it and that is bad for me. I commit myself that I help my parents, I listen them, but I live my life how I want and how is the best for all.