torek, 27. februar 2018

Day 132: Illness and minds 2

It't not so hart to work what I doing, but I'm not still fast enough, but I try and do fast as possible. But it't time when I was so fast and is time when I'm tired and I don't want work anymore and I want be with myself. Then I don't want to chat with anyone and if he ask me anything I ignore him.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore him when he ask me when I'm tired. When and as I see myself to ignore him when he ask me when I'm tired, I stop and breath. I realise that I ignore him when I feel tired and I know that he must know what he ask me and know that if I told him anything or not, there is not difference for him. I was have a grandmother who has dementia and I was the person who steal her money. Yes, this is typically for sick people with this illness. And I told her, that I'm not steal her anything, but I was guilty and since there I don't want to argue with people who don't understand and don't listen me and ignore them. It is better than lost energy for them. But in beginning I don't know if person understand me or not, so I want to explain them. But next time I try ignore them. I commit myself that next time anyone ask me something I explain them once, and if they don't understand not lost my energy anymore, but not ignore them, but tell, that any other person can explain them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate explain over and over the same stuff, but I see that I ask other people same over and over till I'm not sure. When and as I see myself to hate explain same stuff over and over, but see that I ask other people same stuff over and over, I stop and breath. I realise that I have what I do to other people, so I must firstly change myself and then I hate other people what they do. So, I commit myself that I ask only once if I don't understand, and if other people ask me first time I explain and then if they ask me more than 3 times I ignore them or tell them that they must to know since now.

ponedeljek, 26. februar 2018

Day 131: Illness and minds

I feel great and I don't notice that I have broken my imune sistem, but I have some illness that is in relation with bad imune sistem. So where is problem? All is in my mind. And all is in relation with my work. Because I hate my work, I work so much and they don't pay me enough for that kind of work. And since we have new coworker I must work harder than before and do his work. And I hate this.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate him because I must work faster than when I don't work with him, to do what he can't to do. When and as I see myself to hate him, I stop and breath. I realise that in beginning I work slowly too, but I try to work as fast as possible, but he don't, we don't see any change. And often we, work together and I must do for myself and him to be same fast than other side, because we must work together. I commit myself that when we work together I try do as fast as possible and be in the moment and breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my work, because I work because of money, but they pay me so little for that kind of work. When and as I see myself to hate my work, I stop and breath. I realise that they give us the minimum of minimum because they don't have more money, they must pay taxes and other stuff and in the end we have only enough for survive. But I must be in other way happy for that, because a lot of people have less than me or they don't give them at all. But I must be happy for that I have, because I have and I can buy myself what I need. I commit myself to stop and breath when I begin thinking about paying and know that year ago I don't have any money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my work, because I must work so much and became tired in the end of the day. When and as I see myself to hate my work because I must work hard, I stop and breath. I realise that it's better be at home and work easily and what I like to do, but that kind of work don't bring any money. If I want money I must work hard. At home or at work. So, I commit myself that when I'm tired I breath and sit down as much as possible and sleep at home that I can survive and regenerate myself and work next day the same good that I must to do.