Day 58: Birthday wishes

Happy bithday. Each year the same. And I hate this wihes, because birthday is day like each other day. Nothing important, only one year older we are. We don't do anything for this day, our mothers are, but all regrats have ourself, not our mothers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that birthday is so important day, but in real is day like other days and nothing more or less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on people who want wish me for birthday, but with the time I realize that this is not important and if someone wish me for my birthday, I say simple thank you and live my life and I'm not angry on anyone, because other people don't know, that I hate this, but in the same time, I wish that all wish me when I have birthday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't know what I realy wish for myself, that they wish me or not and this is only my problem, so the best is, that I know, and allow all of them, who want wish me, that do this and who don't want I know, that is good too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live each day the same, because each day is equal and if you have birthay or not is the same and I must work or doing other think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be what I am and don't pretend what I'm not. I'm like attention, but I don't like too much attention. I like peace around me too, but sometimes I want be with croud. And this is me, but I can change this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that only important days is that days when you do something important, like start walk, talk, you go to the school, you do something important, you learn some impotant, not only be one year older, but each day is the same important and unigue, because each day you learn something new.

Day 57: Lies, lies, lies

I'm Ok, I fell good, i'm change myself, I live,.. I lie myself. Some days I fell Ok, but other days I fell bad for almoust no reason. Mybe are hormons, mybe is my mind, mybe I want to be bad mood. I lie myself when I post blog on forum and look when take some comment. Or when I post my blogs on facebook page or groups. I look when someone touch button LIKE, because it mean to me so much. But I lie myself that  I do this for myself. So why I want to other see what I write and tell me if I write correct or wrong? This is not metter in real. More important is that I write, but I don't write enough. I don't tell enough SF, I don't breath enough. I so lazy and I lie myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what I do wrong but not change my attitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know what I can change, but I do the same again and again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect some reaction from other people, because I don't belive in myself and I need confirmation from other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive, that if some people like my blog that they read it, but I know, that most people like because raiting, so like all blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive when I told myself that I lie myself when I do something that I don't need to do, or be better if I don't do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know, that if I told myself that I lie, that is not good for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what problem I have, but nothing to do that I change in better way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and don't want to do anything, because I think that one day be better.

Day 56: Gift for writing

Recently I write a lot. I write a few different blogs in two language, but most of people reading my blogs in my mother language. A few of them, that read it say to me, that I have talent for writing, but I don't belive them. In primary school my mum write my essays, because I'm to bad in it. Latter I start writing myself and each year was better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so lazy for writing, that someone write essays instead of me and I only re-write in my notebook, but in that way I learn writing too, but this isn't fair for her.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to try write better my essays at home for school, because this is my homework and I must do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I don't write enough good for school, if one person at home say that this isn't good enough for school, for that reason next time I don't want try wrote better, because I know, that this person write again like this person want and think is the best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit this person for writing, because this person write better than me and each time I must read what is writen and this person say to me, that expect, that next time I write like this, but I don't want to do this.

I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to belive people who now told me that I have talent for writing, because I think, that I still don't write enough good like when I was in school, but now write a lot and they read my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all I was write is ok, but I don't belive that I have talent, because I write really a lot and all what I write is normal for me, because I write about myself and this is so easy for write and don't need talent for that.

Day 55: Lucky day

A few years ago I realize that I have lucky in that day. All went wrong, but all is good in the end of the day. So I decide that 9th day at month is my lucky day. I belive in that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that one day in the month is my lucky day. When and as I see myself belive that one day in the month is my lucky day, I stop and breath. I realize that all days are lucky the same. I commit myself that each day are the same lucky.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to decide that some day is more important than other, because I had a few events that happened to me on the same day in different months that I defined/perceived as being lucky and so connected with the number of the day, as if that number has somthing to do with the events.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify that 9th day is my lucky day with my memory of an event that I have perceived as lucky, not realizing that that or similar event could have happen on any other day and so it has nothing to do with the number of the day as day numbers is what humans made up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that by deciding that only 9th day is my lucky day, I with this actually decided that all other days all not lucky for me and so with this belief actually manifested the experience for myself where I would feel unlucky on all other days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some events as lucky because they are reare, but other events which is more often is normal, not lucky at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that have lucky is posible, but if you do all the best way you can, one day must be all good.