Day 84: Bad mood or depression 10

In blog 75 I wrote: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again. When and as I see myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again, I stop and breath. I realize that when I wok, I forgive about bad things, but when I calm myself and go watch TV or go on computer I became bad mood or depressed again. I know that I feel something in myself all the day, but when I work I forgive on it, but when I don't work anymore I remember on it and feel it. I know that I can go over this feeling, but I know that I must find beginning somewhere deep inside me. I commit myself that I breath and work and don't think about my bad feelings so much.

So I mention bad things in my blog. But what is bad things for me? And how I feel then? So when I don't work I think too much and I have too much time. So I fell again in bad mood. I feel nervous, loneliness, I don't know what to do. I look for attention, but most time no one have time for me and I don't know what to do. So I start thinking how no one like me, how lonely I am, because I'm single and so on. In the end all people are guilty for my bad mood, because they don't have time for me. In other way, when I have someone to talk with, I argue with this person and again I'm in bed mood. But this is, because I don't accept myself at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive about bad things that are about death, loneliness, that no one like me, no one don't have time for me. When and as I see myself to thinking/believing/perceiving about bad things that are about death, loneliness, that no one like me, no one don't have time for me, I stop and breath. I realize that this my bad things are only what I think about myself and I can change this. I must see that I am person who like me and have time for me and I'm always with myself. I commit myself that I know that I am only person who love me and I'm always with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk with other people and start argue with them. When and as I see myself to talk with other people and start argue with them, I stop and breath. I realize that if I think differently than other people is this my problem if I star with argue and I react on their words. I commit myself that when I see myself to react in other people words, I stop and see what bother me and if something bother me I talk about this thing since I stop react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much. When and as I see myself that I think too much I stop and breath. I realize that if I work I think about work and forgot problems about myself, I don't think about my bad mood, I don't think about work and money and I fell better. But I can't only work and work, I must to look for point where my bad mood start. I commit myself that I breath and I realize that I breath all the time and look about the points when I begin in bad mood.

Day 83: Bad mood or depression 9 (I'm incompetent 1)

In blog 74 I wrote:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I want to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what I want to do, I stop and breath. I realize that I try to do a lot of things but in all things I'm not enough success to start learn money with it. Sometimes I scare to be success and I don't want to try and work hard for success. I scare be happy and have enough money. I'm scare be myself. I don't want money but I need it. I'm mess. I commit myself that I decide what I want in my life in try to be success in my job/work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare to be success. When and as I see myself to scare to be success, I stop and breath. I realize that I think when person was success must work a lot and I'm to lazy for that. When person are success a lot of people know it and successful people must be example, someone who are stable and I don't be stable. But in the end each person can be success person if they want be. I commit myself that I believe that I'm success in this moment because I live, I read and write almost two language and have people around myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't want to try and work hard for success. When and as I see myself to don't want to try and work hard for success, I stop and breath. I realize that if you want be someone or want something you must work for it. Each work is hard work if you hate it, but if you like it, you play, not work. But where is line between work and play? For me is line money and years, because when you older you too old for play and what you do you work not play. I commit myself that I do what I love to do with joy and if I work what I hate, I see something playfully in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare be happy and have enough money. When and as I see myself to scare be happy and have enough money, I stop and breath. I realize that I scare be what I wish. I wish be happy and have enough money for normal living, but what next if I have this, what is my next goal. But now in this moment I'm happy. I don't have enough money, but if you work what you want, you happy and if you work with hart, work what really want, money come. And this is so simple and not need be frightened. I commit myself that I work and don't think about happiness and money and they came to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare be myself. When and as I see myself to scare be myself, I stop and breath. I realize that I see being myself like I do what I want to do, what is good for me and other, what I can improve myself and world around me. When I am myself then I work and do what I like to do and work that I don't want to do I work in the way that I like it. I commit myself that I am what I am and try to be better me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't want money. When and as I see myself to think that I don't want money, I stop and breath. I realize that I need money in this system, because system work on money and each person need it. When system change we can live without money, since then I need it. I commit myself that I try to learn money and live with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I'm a mess. When and as I see myself to think I'm a mess, I stop and breath. I realize that I think that when I'm bad mood and I don't know what I want and what I wish. Then is the best go to the bed and rest, start with some work or only breath. I commit myself that I start work, go to the rest or only breath when I think that I'm mess.