Day 88: Painful knees

Soon will be 2 years since 1 m (1 m is equivalent to 1.0936 yards, or 39.370 inches) tall wood fall in my right knee. This hurt me a few months and since then hurt me only when I must squat down and I was tired (my leg was tired, I walk a lot). But 6 months ago start hurts me both knees when I go up and down on the stairs. It was too much for me so I buy bandage for knee. It help me, but not for long time. So I talk with someone who tell me, that knee is in relation to feeling lonely and how I approach relationships with men, then this person tell me that if I look at the point of falling on the knee at that time - it was linked to the feeling of falling into despair and loneliness and later these are the points that will take me into mine depression and cause I to ‘fall on my knees’ as an expression that means me are giving into depression or falling down. This person recommendation me go to the doctor if might be inflammation and doctor take me a pills, because I might want to get an anti-inflammatory from the pharmacy to help bring down the inflammation - because if one does not sort out the inflammation it can make the problem worse. And I go to the doctor and it was inflammation, doctor take me a pills and in beginning was better, but after few days anymore. I feel some kind of pain in my knees, but not the same than before.

I forgive myself to have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely because I don't have friends, I don't have relationship and I think that my parents don't like me. When and as I see myself to feel lonely because I don't have friends, I don't have relationship and I think that my parents don't like me, I stop and breath. I realize that I have friends, but not close to me and I can't visit it every moment that I need chat. I'm single, I'm not in relationship with no one include myself. And I think that my parents don't like me, because they told me a think that hurt me. I know that they want me all the best, but if they say me that I'm fat, they do, that I eat more not less. I commit myself that when I feel lonely, I know, that I have friends, my parents like me and I'm in relationship with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can't help myself and be in relationship with myself, be alone but not lonely. When and as I see myself to think that I can't help myself and be in relationship with myself, be alone but not lonely, I stop and breath. I realize that the most important relationship is relationship with myself. Only me can support myself in best way, only me can see my problems and only me know what is in my mind and what I feel about different things. The best support is when I support myself, when I do the best for my body, myself and all around me. When I see when I do mistake and correct it. When I see problem and correct myself and my attitude to this problem and find solution. I'm my the best buddy and the best support. I commit myself to be in relationship with myself, support myself and do right thing for me, my body and people around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that be in relationship with myself is big deal. When and as I see myself to think, that be in relationship with myself is big deal, I stop and breath. I realize that my problem with breathing and squeezing in my chest are only because I realize how big point is going in relationship with myself. Since now I must support myself all the time. And this is big step in my process. I commit myself that I be supportive to myself and know, that this is only small step in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need men to be in relationship with. When and as I see myself to think that I need men to be in relationship with, I stop and breath. I realize that in the same time I know, that I can't be in relationship, but in other way I want family, men and children. I commit myself that I'm stable person and after that I start thinking about partnership and family.