Day 92: Painful knees 4

I believe that I need someone to live with. I wish be wife and mother. But I realize that I can't be this in this moment, because I only wish. I'm not prepare to be. I don't be life, I'm person who want, need someone next to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need someone next to me. When and as I see myself to think that I need someone next to me, I stop and breath. I realize that This someone is me. I?m all the time next to myself. I'm this someone. I can support myself. I can be all what I need. I am what I need. I commit myself that I know that I am that someone next to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want someone next to me. When and as I see myself to want someone next to me, I stop and breath. I realize that I have only wish. And wish is in my mind, my imagination. I can wist world peace, be different than I am now and a lot of other things. But some things can actualize, other not. And my wish about to be someone next to me is real, because, all the time is someone next to me. This person are myself. I commit myself that I'm not looking for someone to be next to me, I must only know that this person is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want be a mother and wife. When and as I see myself to want be a mother and wife, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm life. I can be mother because I have uterus. And this is all. I can be mother, parent. But why? I want someone to be with, to care, to teach, to love. I want someone who need me. I'm see that I'm so egoistic. Having child is not wish. Is a process. Child is a person, life. And when I have stable, then I can have child if my partner want too. Child is responsibility for two person, two partners. And child is not mine. Child is little person and all community teach and care for this person. I commit myself to know, that child is person, life and responsibility for two person or more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need partner to be together and partner like me, love me, care of me. When and as I see myself that I believe that I need partner to be together and partner like me, love me, care of me, I stop and breath. I realize that I live in family where parents love me. They put me all what I need and I think that I'm not good enough to put myself what I need, because I don't have proper job. So I need someone who take me money and what I need, but if I try hard I have enough for life and more. So I must take responsibility and do all for earn money for myself. I commit myself that I do all to do myself what I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm alone all life and no one like me. When and as I see myself to believe that I'm alone all life and no one like me, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't like myself, because I'm all the time with myself. But I don't see that, because I look for other people, other mind, energy from other people. I'm so egoistic and look only on myself and my good feeling. I commit myself that I be with myself, do all what I want, and what I must to do to start like and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so egoistic and see only myself and what I want and need. When and as I see myself to be so egoistic and see only myself and what I want and need, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm only person like other. I'm not lees or more than other, because we all are the same. I want be loved, but I can love myself. I want money, and I can earn it. I want someone to be together for talk, live, walk, love, but I don't see, that I can all give to myself. I don't see what I am and what I have, only what I need and want and what must other people give me. I can live alone, I can love myself, I can write, I can go alone to walk or vacation. I am and I have all what I want and need. I commit myself that I'm in this moment, physically active and breath.