Day 138: Fear of death 1

Often when I think about death I see, that I saw all and I have enough experiences in my life. But if I stop myself and think better, I see that I want more. I want to see some places more, meet some people, do some things that I love to do. In real I don't yet know why I live, what is my purpose in core. And when I think about travelling and have some adventure I think about not have money, not have time, relax, abroad, calm, blank mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that to have adventure need money and time. When and as I think that to have adventure need money and time, I stop and breath. I realise that I don't need money and time to have adventure, but I must only decide to have fun. There are one person who write, that to travel you not need a money, because you can earn it during the travel or if you write about your adventure and people pay you for that. I commit myself that when think that I need money and time for adventure I start living and each moment become a big adventure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that have adventure is only if you travel abroad. When and as I think that have adventure is only if you travel abroad, I stop and breath. I realise that travel abroad is travel abroad, but the biggest adventure is when you are in your country and take time for yourself and be with yourself. This is the biggest adventure. Go to the near forest, near village, walk from your town from another. All this is adventure. Adventure is when you do something that you don't do before and you enjoy. I commit myself that When I think that have adventure is travel abroad, I stop, breath and go out of my house and start with adventure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that only in adventure or vacation you can relax and have blank mind. When and as I see myself to think that only in adventure or vacation you can relax and have blank mind, I stop and breath. I realise that you can have blank mind and you relax in each moment in your life if you do what you love to do and is not so physically difficult. And this is all the time out of the work. You can also have blank mind in each moment when you not need to think too much. So, I commit myself that when I think that I must go to the vacation to relax and have black mind, I stop and breath and go in place where I like to be and enjoy the moment,

Day 137: Fear of death

It was time when I want to die, but I scare kill myself. It's hurt. And this it's hurt is point that in real I scare to die. When I think to the die, I see my body lie on the table, naked and doctors made autopsy on them. In this moment I think that I'm not beautiful, and what they say about me and my body. And yes in other way I know that they see all kind of bodies in their life and some of them are old and not so good looking that I want to be mine body. So, when I think about autopsy I think about how fat I am, how not good looking and then I don't want to die. There is some tension in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tension in my body when I think about death and autopsy. When and as I see myself to have tension in my body when I think about death and autopsy, I stop and breath. I realise that in the end each person die and me too. So, is better, that I accepted myself and my body, than I scare to die. No, I don't die in this moment, I want to live and work and being, but scare of die is not only scare of die, but much more. So, I commit myself that when I have tension in my body when I think about death and autopsy, I stop, breath and think that my body is mine and if I support my body I start like it and in the end I like my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like my body. When and as I see myself to not like my body, I stop and breath. I realise, that this is my body, this is part of me and I must be proud on and on each part of it. When I like myself and my body, I can be myself at all. I must support myself and my body with exercise, food and right minds. Because my minds affected on my body. So, I commit myself that I sto and breath when I think about how I don't like my body and in that moment start support it with exercise, rest, food or something supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare death with autopsy and being naked. When and as I see myself to compare death with autopsy and being naked, I stop and breath. I realise, that I can be naked in public, take naked photos, but being naked and death is not for me. Being death is the end, but if I take picture and send someone, that person can told me that how beautiful I am, because men don't tell me how ugly I am. So I need compliments from other people that I have beautiful body, because I don't see that. So, I commit myself to stop seeing together death and autopsy and realise, that my body is beautiful without compliments of other people.