Day 73: Bad mood or depression

One year ago I live my life in bad mood or depression. I was so deprressed and I want to die. Then I found some people who told me about DIP and I start with this process. In few months I see change on myself although I don't work on depression it help me. But now I feel that I go back in bad mood. I feel bad one month and in this time I again talk about death and kill myself. All in my life go wrong and I don't have enough money, I don't have enough bussines, I don't know how survive. I thinking about that I close my bussines.

So I decide I write series blogs about my bad mood or depression and I try to find reason for that. I know that will be so difficult because I'm in beginning of writing and I need some help to see ight points. But I belive in myself that I can go trought this and find where is the bigger problem for my bad mood, depression, laziness and other situations.

So ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I can change myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it. When and as I see myself to belive that I can chance myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it, I stop and breath. I realize that I must go though all situation that I want to change it. In the beginning it must work if you write about most important problem that you have in that situation and you solve other problems too, but if you don't solve explicite situation, you have problem with this situation all the time. I realize this in less that one year, because I have the same problem with depression like one year ago before I start with process. I commit myself that when I see poblem I go through problem I try solve it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay with go through depression. When and as I see myself to delay with go though depression, I stop and breath. I realize that this delay don't help me at all and I feel like before begining. I argue with all people that they don't think like me and I want arguing with people because I'm nervous all the time. I commit myself that I begin with going through all situations about depression.

Day 72: I'm not good enough

Today I have lecture or workshop, where I talk about a few think that I don't know enough. So I send my presentation person who ask me for this lecture and this person say, that this is cool. I think, that they want to hear what I write. So today I talk and people start conversation with each-other. THen one person say me stop, that this what I talk is not what they want to hear. I start talk about other think, but my mood fall down and became angy and talk myself how usless and not good enough I am and I think, that it was the best, that I close my business, because I'm self-employed. I try to see somthing positive in this, but I don't se it. People say, that I'm so good, because I try to talk, have lecture or workshop, and talk a front of so much people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough. When and as I see myself think that I know enough, I stop and breath. I realize, that I have some pettern. When I don't want to learn enough I think, that I know enough and say myself that it's be all ok. But in real I don't learn enough and I don't know at all. And I think this yesterday and today. I commit myself that I learn what I must to know since I know enough, not oly think, that I know enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too lazy for learn, work, write, cook and other things. When and as I see myself to be to lazy for learn, work, write, cook andother tkongs, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not good for me, because stop me. I have a lot of ideas, but because I don't trying enough, I don't finish any idea. So I must try and go through this lazy seson, push myself that I be the best myself. I commit myself that I push myself through when I see that I don't want do what I must or be got to do.

Day 71: Money freedom

I live in my parents house, because I can't earn enough. I try to help them, that they help me. I'm not free. I don't have free choice. But no, not only because I live with my parent's, I don't have free choice, because I don't have enough money. Money is chain in my life. I'm not free because it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't fell free, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself not to fell fre, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that you have less freedom that people in prison if you don't have money. Luckily for me, I live with my parents who help me. Sometimes I want sit in the car and go around, but I don't have money for gas. So I must stay home or ask them for money. I try to learn some money, but I don't know how. I commit myself that I find job and learn enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell less, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself fell less, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money is not all in the world. I know a lot of think and I can grow food for myself. I know a lot and I can make a lot. A lot of people don't know so much than me, so I can't fell less. In the end we all are people and better help each other that hate each other. And if I can make something, that someone need, that I can sell or exchange with him. I can survive without money. I commit myself, that I know a lot and I can survive with selling and exchangeing what I make or grow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money don't bring happy. People who don't have money are unhappy and people who have moeny are unhappy, because they want more and more and more money. So money don't bring happiness. The best way is, that you happy with money you have and try be happy because other things, little thinks. I commit myself that I be happy with how mučh money I have.