Day 135: I'm not good in this sport

I'm not person who like sport, but I like shooting and because it I'm start this year with shooting with bow and yesterday I have first competition. We are in more groups and go through 14 different points, shoot and then go further. In each point we look how much point we shoot and write it down. In mine group are 4 more people and 3 of them are trainer, one mine and 2 from other clubs. They don't help me, but they told me, what to do next time in similar situations and what I must change. And all the time they told me that I'm good. But in the end I was only 11 of 13 competitors. And this was not good enough for me and I feel bad and stop with practice. But they have right. I was good if we look that I practice only 4 months once a week. And this time I shoot first time in long distance. But I do the most mistakes in short distance. So next time in practice I see what my trainer told me to do for improve myself. But their words, that I'm good made my ego big and when I see results I was disappointed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed because I think that I will be better in competition and men and women be separated and they give me a medal. When and as I see myself to be disappointed because I think that I will be better in competition and men and women be separated and they give me a medal, I top and breath. I realise that organiser made the rules and this is above all, so I must accepted this rules. What I think and what I wish is not matter. And because I think that that men and women separately receive medal I wish more. Then I was practice only 4 months and I can't competition with people who practice a few years or decades. So, I was the best that I can be. I commit myself that when I'm disappoint on myself I look in background and see how good or bad I really am and for now is more important that I enjoy in competition and not so much how good or bad I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare with her who shooting 3 years but went in competition only one round and I went two times and we have almost the same score. When and as I see myself to compare with her who shooting 3 years but went in competition only one round and I went two times and we have almost the same score, I stop and breath. I realise that this compare made me down, because my result was only 22 points better than hers and this was the worst for me. We are together in practice and she practice less than me, but she has more experiences than me, so is logic that she is better than me, but in other way I go 2 rounds and have only a few points more than she, so I'm not so good that I think that I am. But if trainer say, that I'm good for my experiences and how mush I practice, I must accepted his words and be proud on myself. I commit myself that I don't compare myself with other, because we have different experiences and this can't be comparative, so I'm one and only person and I must see only myself and how much I give in some results.