Day 106: Food 2

I eat a lot of bad food and only a few good food. But this is good or bad food for other people and this is not need be the same for my body. Body tell me what food is good or bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat food that blow me up. When and as I see myself to eat food that blow me up, I stop and breath. I realize that some food like flour blow me up and don't feel good, but if I eat fat or meat I feel good. I commit myself to find food that is good for my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to eat food that is good taste and my body accept it. When and as I see myself to not to eat food that is good taste and my body accept it, I stop and breath. I realize that I fruits and vegetables is the best a few minutes or hours after I pick it up. So I eat most of fruits and vegetables when is season for it. For some is only a few weeks, for other a few months, but this food is the best for me. I commit myself to eat more good food that my body like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better if I eat unhealthy food that my body like it than I eat healthy food that my body don't like it. When and as I see myself to feel better if I eat unhealthy food that my body like it than I eat healthy food that my body don't like it, I stop and breath. I realize that if body like some kind of food is that food good for them and I not need to worry about it. If food is not good, or I eat too much, body tell me that. I commit myself to listen my body what food is good for it.

Day 105: Food 1

Last days I have problem with my food. Some days I eat too much and too fattening food, other day I can't eat at all. I have problem with my stomach too, because I'm so nervous last days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous and because it I don't eat right. When and as I see myself to be nervous and because it I don't eat right, I stop and breath. I realize that if I'm nervous I have problem with my stomach. So being nervous and stomach problem is in relation. When I have problem with stomach I must look why I'm nervous, if I see that or not. I commit myself to when I see that I have problem with my stomach I look if I'm nervous and realize what make me nervous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat too much when I calm myself. When and as I see myself to eat too much when I cal myself, I stop and breath. I realize that I can't eat, because my stomach is smaller and I think that I will throw up when I was nervous and when I calm myself I become hungry and later, after a few hours I can eat a lot. And if I'm nervous all day I can be all day without food. I commit myself that I try to eat when I'm nervous too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat too much and too fattening food. When and as I see myself to eat too much and too fattening food, I stop and breath. I realize that when I see what kind of food I want to eat, and I see that food is not good for me, I try to change food, cook something else, eat less than I want to. I commit myself that I look what kind of food I eat and eat more healthy food.

Day 104: Food

Meat, fat, this is the best food for me. I know, that this food is not good for my health, but I like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat a lot of fat and greasy food. When and as I see myself to eat a lot of fat and greasy food, I stop and breath. I realize that I eat greasy food before sleeping and then my stomach hurt me and I feel sick. The most common dish is baked eggs in pig fat. But I put too much eggs in pan, so I decide, to put less eggs in the pan and it's better. So, it's not important what I eat, but how much I eat. I commit myself that I prepare less food than I think I must to eat, because it's not good for me too much food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad, because I eat meat and don't feel guilty, because it must die for my food. When and as I see myself to feel bad, because I eat meat and don't feel guilty, because it must die for my food, I stop and breath. I realize that I live in farm and I be there when they kill animal for food. They care for all animal in our small farm. And we eat all part of animals. So I think, that animal give life for our food because we need this. We have a lot of vegetables too, but I don't like it so much. I commit myself that don't feel bad and respect live animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad, because I don't eat enough vegetables and fruits, so my food is not healthy. When and as I see myself to feel bad, because I don't eat enough vegetables and fruits, so my food is not healthy, I stop and breath. I realize that I eat a lot of vegetables, because I have good results in blood test where we see if I eat enough vegetables and fruits. But my digestion told me, that I don't eat enough fiber. I commit myself that I eat enough vegetables and fruits that I don't feel bad because it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I eat enough fiber, but my body tell me, that I don't. When and as I see myself to think, that I eat enough fiber, but my body tell me, that I don't, I stop and breath. I realize that I must each day eat enough food with fiber, because I must defecate each day. But I have one day constipation, but other day I have diarrhea. I commit myself that I each day eat enough fiber for good digestion.

Day 103: Love of food 1

Sweets, sweets. Last days I bake a lot. I bake sweets for holidays. But I don't eat it, yes, I taste it, but only one piece or less. I must move myself and make something. But today I want to eat some sweet, but nothing is enough sweet. So I eat what I find. But this is not good for my body, because I eat too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bake more than we need and we eat on this holiday time. When and as I see myself that I bake more than we need and we eat on this holiday time, I stop and breath. I realize that I can bake more that we eat and put extra food in freezer, but food from freezer is not so taste than fresh food. But I don't bake often, so is OK, if I take time for myself and enjoy in bake and be in the moment. I commit myself that I don't worry if I bake too much from time to time, only I don't need eat all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must to bake sweets, but I don't need eat it. When and as I see myself that I feel that I must to bake sweets, but I don't need eat it, I stop and breath. I realize that I must bake it, because date of my mums uncle who die a few months ago birthday is coming and I need move myself that I don't grave so much. Baking is my run away, that I forgot on graving. I commit myself that I look why I doing something that usually don't do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need eat sweets when I have period and that time I don't find enough sweet food for eat, so I eat something salt. When and as I see myself to need eat sweets when I have period and that time I don't find enough sweet food for eat, so I eat something salt, I stop and breath. I realize that in time of period I must more drink and eat health food and I don't look for sweet food. In general I don't drink enough water. And I don't know if I really need sweet food, because I don't listen my body enough and I don't recognize what my body really want. I commit myself that I drink more and if I need some food, I firstly drink and later ask my body if I really need that kind of food that I recognize it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad if I eat sweets. When and as I see myself to feel bad if I eat sweets, I stop and breath. I realize that if I it sweets from time to time I don't need feel bad, because if I'm healthy I can eat, but I can't eat too much and too late. I commit myself that I look when and what I eat and I don't eat too late if not need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad, because I eat too much too late. When and as I see myself to feel bad, because I eat too much too late, I stop and breath. I realize that I can eat late, if I go to the bed 3 hours after meal. But I must look after what I eat in the evening. I must eat easy food and all be OK. I commit myself that I look when and what I eat and if I eat a few hour before I prefer in first place drink water and see if I must eat.

Day 102: Love of food

If we want to survive we must to eat. We eat a different food. Some food we love but other food don't. But where is line between love food and eat because we must to eat. We prefer some taste. But is food with good taste for us, good for our body too? I love to eat chocolate. I eat dark chocolate or very sweet chocolate. Which one is better for my body? Both is OK if I eat one piece. And what can I eat and what not?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body need what I eat and what I wish for eat. When and as I see myself to think that my body need what I eat and what I wish for eat, I stop and breath. I realize that I eat, because other people around me eat, but my body don't need any food. I can be all day without food, but I'm not hungry, only my body don't need food in this moment. So I must listen my body, not eat, because people around me eating. I commit myself that I eat when I feel hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I getting fat, because I eat sweets and food with a lot of calories. When and as I see myself to think that I getting fat, because I eat sweets and food with a lot of calories, I stop and breath. I realize that I getting fat, because I eat because eat other people around me, I'm hungry, because I don't listen my body and I think that I'm hungry, not thirsty, because I drink too little. I commit myself to look how I feel before I eat, I drink before I eat and listen my body if they need food at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that chocolate is bad for me. When and as I see myself to think that chocolate is bad for me, I stop and breath. I realize that I can eat chocolate as much I need, but I can't feel bad about it. I must feel good if I eat it and if I become bad mood because I eat too much, that is not good. I must stop earlier, because I only think that I need so much of chocolate. My mind think that I need, my body need so much of chocolate. I commit myself that I don't became bad mood if I eat too much, I listen my body and I eat that much I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that salt food is bad for me. When and as I see myself to think that salt food is bad for me, I stop and breath. I realize that all salt food that I buy it is crap food. Is salt and greasy and there is not any food in it. I love crisps and other popular Slovenian salt package food. This food is bad for me. Better is, if I prepare similar food at home. Is better and healthier than food from stores. I love to cook, why I don't prepare good food ad home. But if I buy and eat that food, I can't be angry on myself, because is this worst, than bad food. I commit myself that I made at home food I like it, but if I buy some crap food, I don't be angry on myself.

Day 101: My physical change

Last time I change myself. I start walking two week ago, because I must to walk, but soon I see that walk is good for me and now I walk for myself. I know that I must lost some weight, but I don't walk to lose it, I walk because I feel better if I walk. My digestion is better. I'm better. It was difficult to begin, so I ask my dad if he want go with me. He say yes. And this is start of my daily walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that walking is not for me. When and as I see myself to think, that walking is not for me, I stop and breath. I realize that walk is important for me. When I walk I'm with myself. I know that is not good, that I talk with myself in ma mind, but I find some solution about different think. When I walk listen myself, my body. I feel where hurt me. I breathing. I'm be there, I feel wind, I feel my body. I commit myself that when I think to not go to the walk, I look on all benefits on my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to the walk because I must go. When and as I see myself to go to the walk because I must to go, I stop and breath. I realize that walk is good for me, so I decide I walk because I feel better after walk. I feel better and I see all more positively. I commit myself that I walk because I want, not because I must go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare if someone see me that I walk, because I think, that fat people don't walk. When and as I see myself to scare if someone see me that I walk, because I think, that fat people don't walk, I stop and breath. I realize that fat people walk too. All people walk. But walk is more difficult than go to the gym. So in the beginning people maybe go to the gym, but why I look what other say about me. I walk for myself and I can go when I want to go and where I want to go. I live in moment when I walk. I can be with myself and breathing and this is more important that what other people say. But if I want be with myself it be better be alone, than with other people who disturb me. But I must live in both situation. I commit myself to take chance to myself to be proud because I begin walk and I work on myself in this way.

Day 100: Simply me

This is my 100th blog. And through blogs I walk with a different themes. Yes, I have still a lot of problems, but I solve some of them. I take enough tame to change myself. I know, that I'm not work enough intensive, I can do better, but this is my life and my pace. I do the best that I can. No, not real. I can do better than I do to now. I can do more intensive and faster. But is this best for me? Soon will be 2 years when I was first time meet with Desteni. Since then I change myself. I'm better me.

The toughest for me is writing from the moment. Or when I want to write some more, but I stop and I don't know what to write anymore. But that moment is the best. Then I see who I am and how I react. When I don't know what to write, I begin to look on Facebook, drink water or do something not so important. And go back and write is so difficult. So, I begin with theme and when I have theme I write about. Is so much easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare with other how fast I go and how good I became. When and as I see myself to compare with other how fast I go and how good I became, I stop and breath. I realize that this is only mine process and only I'm important in it. I go my pace. I know that I can go faster, but point is not how fast you finish all, but that you improve yourself and live life. I commit myself to not compare my process with other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid writing/see problem/ go trough problem when I came to the difficult point. When and as I see myself to avoid writing/see problem/go trough problem when I same to the difficult point, I stop and breath. I realize that the toughest is work on myself. I want change myself, but in same time I want stay in secure/well known place. I scare changes. I see that something work and want that stay, I don't want changes. But I know, that I need changes to live better. I commit myself to accept change and see that life is better with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to asking myself if I do enough fast and intensive my process. When and as I see myself to asking myself if I do enough fast and intensive my process, I stop and breath. I realize that this is my process and only me know and see how fast and intensive is my process and if I can go faster. In the same time I see if I need more work on myself, more agreement to myself and so on. I known myself the best. But I see, that other people know me better than me. I begin with meeting with myself and don't see some points, that other people see. And they tell me about and tell me what point I must to look and so on. I commit myself that I know I do enough intensive and fast my process.