Day 78: Bad mood or depression 4

In blog Day 76 I wrote:

When and as I see myself to think that I don't have life and I'm tired because I care in my grandma and help at home, I stop and breath. I realize that if I want I have life, because if I don't have time for myself this don't mean that I don't have life, only that I don't know what the life is and how live my life. Now I know that living is being in this moment and you can be in all the time, when you work or walk. I commit myself that I live my life each moment and not complain about things that I can't change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that other people are guilty for my bad mood. When and as I see myself think that other people are guilty for my bad mood, I stop and breath. I realize that all what happen to me is because my decision. No one put "a pistol" on my head and say what I must to do, I decide what I do and for what I do that. I am old enough and responsible for what I done, good or bad. I commit myself to accept my decision and if I do something wrong I admit that myself and other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accuse my ill/sick grandma and her busy daughter that I don't have time and life because them. When and as I see myself to accuse my ill/sick grandma and her busy daughter that I don't have time and life because them, I stop and breath. I realize that I decide that I took over my grandma because she can't walk and she have dementia, so I care for her. Yes, I don't go out because I took over, but this is only my decide. But this can't be my excuse. I commit myself to know/realize that only I can be guilty for that I do or not to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to/prefer be in reaction and don't realize that I breath and how I breath and don't be in this moment. When and as I see myself to want to/prefer be in reaction and don't realize that I breath and how I breath and don't be in this moment, I stop and breath. I realize that I live my life when I do what I want, but in the same time I don't damaging for other or myself. This is not so easy if I'm not stable, when I'm in reaction and in that moment I don't see what is going around me and don't see world only my imagination. In that moment I often go in bad mood in depression. I commit myself that I'm be stable and realize world around me, because in that moment I realize my breath and I don't became bad mood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I can't be in this moment if I work or walk or doing something. When and as I see myself to thinking/believing/perceiving that I can't be in this moment if I work or walk or doing something, I stop and breath. I realize that I can be in moment every moment in my life and realize my breathing and my body and realize myself. If I'm in that moment each moment I can't thinking and I can't be in bad mood. I commit myself that I realize myself in each moment and when I don't be in moment I start breathing and count, because counting help me to stop my mind when I have busy mind.